Category Archives: Humor/Sarcasm

Sassy Saturday: Brights and Fall Style Highlights

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I am not one to follow seasonal trends as I don’t have the money and patience to research and coordinate/purchase my outfits to conform to what is believed to be “Fall ready” wardrobe. Sure, I like fall style, comfy sweaters, messy buns, accessorized with pumpkin spice (*barf* why?!) cups of coffee (who doesn’t love that? I mean….the coffee thing. Not the pumpkin spice. Again, barf.). I am all for comfortable and cute, but what college student has the means to buy a new wardrobe for every season? That is why I recycle and restyle my outfits based on the season. If it’s hot, which it inevitably always is except for the couple of days in Florida when we have what is widely known as, and forgive me if I am using the wrong term, “winter”. “Winter” is it? I don’t really know. Regardless, this Sassy Saturday will be all about what I enjoy during the fall, style wise and whatever else.

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One staple that I love year round but especially in the fall is the amazing maxi cardigan style. Ah, it’s gorgeous! I think it also helps even out all the short little dresses in my closet. When I wear something short, I like to balance it out with a cardigan that is significantly longer. Plus, it ends up making me look longer and taller, too, which is always a plus! However, so far, I’ve only found three maxi cardigans that fit the specific criteria of what I like. I want them to be matchable but not black preferably, patterns are a plus, and colors are crucial but if they’re done in a creative, tasteful way. I don’t want to go out looking like I upchucked a super sized bag of skittles onto myself.

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This is also the ideal time to temporarily bring out the boots in my closet that are so tall they make my calves sweat on a regular Florida day. They’re beautiful, but are they appropriate for 95 degree weather? Not a chance in hell. I’m thinking maybe when I come home for a break I’ll gather up my boots and bring them back with me to celebrate the couple days of cold I’m hoping we’ll receive in the coming weeks! Wearing slouchy boots with dresses AND cardigans is about as wonderful as Fall style can get, and if you haven’t tried it yet, you basically haven’t lived. So please bring out the pairing for yourself and realize the beauty and functionality that it holds in this moderate weather!

 

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Next up is the fad of leg warmers, which I currently don’t own but am secretly begging to try. Do they really keep your legs warm, and do I really need to be warmer than I already am for fashion sense? I think they look a bit silly and impractical with heels, but wouldn’t mind trying them with some boots. Maybe, just maybe, I will give them a chance this Fall, but I think they are very cute. I think I’d find myself wearing them at home more than anything because nothing says cozy like socks for your legs. Or something.

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Ever since I began my Tumblr all over again (for the blog), I came to realize how much I love brightly colored lipsticks, even the ones with the unconventional colors. I don’t know if I’d have the balls to go out with blue lips, but I have the temptation to try. For heaven’s sake, I’ve already bought a teal wig. Might as well give blue lips a shot, too. I’m still considering it, really. But I feel like this trend is rising, maybe even beyond Fall. I’ve seen quite a few divas lately working bright lips with their subtle Fall get ups and it feels inspiring. I feel like my problem with typical Fall-wear is that so much of it is dark and neutral. Blah. But with these lips? There’d be nothing dreary about any outfit! If I muster up the courage, I promise you guys will be the very first ones to know of my breakthrough!

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And finally we have beanies! Beanies in every color, size, and texture! This is the one accessory I am tempted to basically pair with anything in any season, just because it’s such a cute, spunky addition to any look. Plus my style is very ambiguous. I have dominantly feminine pieces with dominantly masculine pieces. I pair my combat boots with my ruffled dresses. I like my style to be as spontaneous and quirky (I couldn’t find a more suited word, so I dearly apologize) as I am, and beanies add that kind of artistic flair that I desire in my outfits. Plus, if you’re having a bad hair day, they are quite possibly the best way to make it look like you’re going for something “effortlessly sporty” and secretly help tame the knotted beast if need be. When my hair gets rugged, a beanie will always be my go-to, and if I don’t have a beanie, well, I guess leaving the house just isn’t an option. Let’s hope it’s not an exam day

 

What Fall styles would you like to try this season, and which styles make you want to ditch the sweater weather for good?

Would you try some unconventional lip colors to spice up your look?

Comment below!

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5 Things I Am Grateful for This Week (And Yes, I’m Back for Good, My Beautifuls!…and Handsomes?)

A much needed update. I feel absolutely awful for spending so much time away from writing, but I’d like to tell you guys what’s going on before I continue this journey. This semester, so far, has had be taking an emotional and physical beating. I feel completely drained. I’ve done really well in college so far, gotten generally A’s and B’s up until this point, and now that I’m diving into my major-related classes, I’m working double as hard to keep those A’s and B’s I’ve strived for in the past. And yes, I’ve got ’em currently, but seriously, I’m whipped. So here we go. I am back in the writing game, I’m happy to be back at my blog, and I’m ready to continue this journey with you guys, everyone that’s supported me and cheered me on even when I felt like giving up. This one’s for you for being as awesome as you are.

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10 Things I am Grateful for This Week!

1. I have my inspiration back! For the love of God, FINALLY. I have a writing course that I’m taking that drains the creativity right out of me, so having this creativity in my grasp again is a blessing. I feel like writing keeps me going, and if I don’t have the energy to do it, I’m just not the same. So I am thankful for being inspired again!

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2. I am thankful that my car is in pristine (working) condition again. You guys weren’t there for the sh*tshow that ensued with my car situation and how every morning felt like a new adventure trying to figure out whether I’d get to class or not on time, or whether I’d be giving another desperate call to AAA. My little beater, Antonio, is officially back in business. Ladies….

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3.  I have rediscovered my obsession with Civilization 5. Between classes, I’ve been coming back to my apartment and continuing what I believe to be the longest single game I’ve ever played, with 15 cumulative hours played. WTF am I even doing with my life? 20 minutes in real life feels like 2 seconds in Civ 5. I feel like the best conqueror the world has ever seen. I think I’m just gonna take this love a step further and start talking to people in Civ 5 terms and if they know what I mean and can relate to the craze, they’re automatically friends.

Friend: “I had a good time today. We should do this again.”

Me: “How about we make a Public Declaration of Friendship for 15 turns to make it official?”

Friend: “Girl, you took the words right out of my mouth. Might as well open our borders as well, just for old time’s sake.”

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4. Ever since I started my subscription with Ipsy, I feel like I’m better equipped to look dashing in every situation and actually feel like I do. I’m learning how to accept using new products that I’ve never seen or heard about before without feeling like I’ve betrayed my regular purchases and am becoming more accustomed to experimenting with new makeup. *Fit Me foundation hysterically crying in the distance* I’m sorry, shhh, it’s not me or Ipsy. It’s you….You just….don’t Fit Me anymore

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5. And finally, last night I got a total of 12 hours of sleep, on accident. Yes, I repeat, on accident. Didn’t even mean to fall asleep, but your girl feel like she’s got rainbows shooting from her eyeballs. Sleep is such a beautiful thing. Every college student in the entire world knows this struggle.

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What are you thankful for this week?

Leave a comment below if you love me. And if you don’t? Well, I don’t love you either. The feeling’s mutual, buddy.

Collegiette Clue-Ins: 5 First-Hand Realizations About Making the Big Move to Off-Campus Housing

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Since the moment I stepped foot on campus, I was a dormy. I had the little shared room, which later turned into a little non-shared room, but still, it was a dorm. A dorm is a dorm is a dorm. This goes without saying, but dorms do not accommodate free-flowing space and the habitation of one person, let alone two. If it weren’t for the experience, I would’ve kicked the idea of living in a furnished closet to the corner, but that exhilarated Freshman inside of me begged to be confined by these bare white walls and the concrete-esque mattress of this twin-sized board they called my bed to embrace the independence, cooperation, and infamous struggle required as a newly instated collegiette. Now that I’ve gotten past that horrid phase in my college career, I’ve branched to what I had long considered the unknown: school-affiliated apartment housing that is off campus. Yes, I’ve finally done it, the big thing. So to kick off this semester of new beginnings and unexpected struggles, I would like to reiterate the realizations I have made as a campus outsider looking at the whole big picture of my housing experience.


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1. You never really understand how much space you’re missing out on until the moment when you arrive at your first real apartment. I can legitimately breathe in here, deep breaths!  I can extend my arms in both directions, stretch real hard, and not touch both walls. I can smell the freedom, and for once, it doesn’t smell like dirty carpet or an unkept common area. I think that’s exciting! Excitement is actually an understatement. It’s invigorating. And not only that. When I enter my room, I’m not already standing in front of my bed, nor do I have to kick and shove things aside to be able to close my door. I have a good amount of feet before I even come close! I could tell it was a blessing when I unpacked my belongings and the room did not induce a stress-related panic attack.

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2. I finally have a mailbox that isn’t a P.O. box. It’s an ACTUAL, real-life MAILBOX, guys. I never realized how irritating it can be to have a P.O. box when I want to order samples of products (Yep, it’s a new thing I’m trying out, and yes, I promise I’ll include all the details when I actually receive said samples!). A chunk of them won’t even let you if you’re unlucky enough to have a P.O. box, and it’s not really like I had much of a choice coming in to decide where I wanted my mail to be dropped. Having an actual mailbox gives me the freedom to be the scavenger I am for online deals. It’s a win-win. I save money and companies get another (hopefully) happy customer that may or may not consume based upon happy sampling (or sad sampling, if the product makes me break out even more so than my skin does).

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3. The walls are, in fact, still thin. Queue the “boos” and other groans of discontentment. If someone turns their head in the building next door to me, I can hear it. I guess I wasn’t really expecting thicker walls anytime soon, but it was worth the hopefulness. But now, I have the added benefit of creaking floors and creaking ceilings from my neighbors above my apartment romping around, doing what they do on a Wednesday night. However, don’t regard this as a complaint. I am madly, deeply in love with the new apartment I call my home. It really is a home. There’s not a single part about it or my residence community that makes me feel like I’m in confinement.

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4. I’m a rent-paying adult. Ew, adulthood. And I have to pay my rent on time. By a deadline. Like everything else. It’s one of those realizations that only begins to hit you when you’re filling out the check, dotting the “i”‘s, and carving in that finalizing signature. It’s not like the thought hasn’t grazed your brain before, but being the individual that the deadline addresses…it’s so odd. Dorms force you to pay basically upfront. There isn’t a monthly payment that needs to be issued, so the thought barely crossed my mind. I could fill my brain with all of my other obligations (which happily accepted and inhabited the space). I was a little overzealous this month, paying my next month’s rent 10 days before it’s actually due, but I’m an anxious person that knows for sure that I’m going to trip over myself one month and realize that I have yet to pay my rent. So here’s a toast to the overachiever in me, and although overzealous me will get over this next step up, the daunting signs of adulthood that are looming upon me will put me back into this strange little worried state. It takes time to become accustomed to backpacking my responsibilities.

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5. Shuttles are convenient. So convenient. TOO CONVENIENT. The claim is that they arrive every 15 minutes, but….I guess…..15 translates to 45 in a conversation between bus driver and the average punctual, logical, time-telling-and-comprehending student. If you don’t have a car, and you can’t find a friend with a car, and you have free time to wait for an hour before your class to ensure that you get there. And you can’t possibly walk, and it’s not urgent, and the class is optional, and it’s not an exam day, and you don’t mind sporadically rubbing up against strangers, and if you want an arm workout from holding on to the bars too tight while you’re standing in the middle aisle in the hopes that you don’t come crashing through the emergency exit when the driver makes a sudden stop. So….yeah. Shuttles are….convenient. They’re great, if any of those reasons are applicable. But don’t take my word for it. Take them for a spin. You’ll enjoy every sweaty, anxious moment that accompanies this intimate experience. 

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What did you come to realize when you moved off campus?

Leave a comment below! 

Collegiette Clue-Ins: The Freshmen Fears, Facts, and Fallacies!

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I remember the moment I stepped onto campus, doe-eyed and actually legitimately afraid. Yup, I was terrified. In a couple of hours, I would be completely on my own. Nobody would be there to lecture me on the importance of organization in my place nor would anyone be there to have dinner with me every night. Nobody would be there consistently to make me feel better when I had a rough day. It would be….weird. But as a student entering her junior year (I’ve been in the saddle long enough to no longer feel like that “little fish”), I’ve compiled these lessons and stored them into my brain to clear up some of the worries (even the irrational ones!) that you guys may end up having prior to or at the moment of realizing that you are living somewhere completely new and every little thing is on you, buddy. No one will be holding that hand of yours through this whole thing unless you’re coming on campus the boo.

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Fear: I am going to have no clue how to get to my classes on the first day and everyone is going to point and laugh at me, the idiot freshman, because I am holding a “kick me” sign and wearing a neon-colored dunce hat due to the fact that I don’t yet have any sense of direction on campus.

Fact: Not true. Not true at all. On the inside, you’ll be doing all those things. But on the outside? You’re gonna be looking like everyone else. Face buried in your phone, probably dressed up picture perfect so you don’t make a bad impression on all those new friends you’re going to meet (because that’s usually how it works on the first day, which then deteriorates exponentially for every day that follows until you hit Final’s Week when the whole “style” thing goes downhill), and ridiculously early to your class. Seriously, you didn’t need to leave two hours early. There aren’t going to be teachers standing outside their classrooms like high school, but the students know their way around like the back of their hand, and they’re usually pretty chill about it. But realistically, that iPhone battery is definitely not gonna sustain during that period between the time of arrival and your actual class. Use the time to do some good ol’ traditional socialization. Look for someone that will have mercy upon you but avoid all eye contact with everyone else. THEY ALL WANT TO EAT YOU ALIVE. You’ll kill the game (no pun intended, of course!) before it even starts, Freshmeat. Seeeee? Socially Awkward Penguin gets it (disregard his name. He’s misunderstood).

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Fear: If I don’t bring a car, then I can’t get food. And if I can’t get food, I’ll die. If I don’t bring a car, I’m going to die. I’m useless without my wheels!

Fact: Partially true, but you’re not going to die. Cars are like pure gold on a college campus, so if you have one, it’s great (and horrible) for you. But fear not if an automobile is not within your grasp! If you have a bicycle and can strategically maneuver through traffic with the weight of a week’s (or several weeks) worth of food on your handlebars, you can still get groceries off campus! But realistically, it’s best to just figure out who you’d rather spend your gas money on, whether it be a friend or a roomie. The bike is a flimsy last resort and has more potential of making you road kill, so keep that in mind.

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Fear: I won’t have any time to eat in between classes, so maybe I should bring a three-course meal, some snacks, a Foreman portable grill, a spatula, some cooking spray, maybe some apple juice, or I could bring a juicer and bring some apples and whip some right up and….and I won’t starve. I’ll be ready for the famine.

Fact: I was guilty of this. My first year, I packed all kinds of food so I wouldn’t starve and it was really just… so needless. I had plenty of time to at least come back to my place and grab a snack and sometimes even change out of my sweaty clothes (Florida probs). It’s really all about how you coordinate your schedule. If you’re gonna put your classes back to back from 8:30 AM to 5 PM, you can’t expect there to be a break period. That mess is all your own doing. Give yourself a solid 30 minutes to an hour between the majority of your classes so you can keep both your physical and mental state in check. Your body and brain will thank you for not being a sucker. Plus, you’ll probably be skinnier, too, because the nervous-overeating will not be your problem, as you’ll have nothing but school supplies to consume in these moments. You’ll pick up something to munch here and there, maybe a couple notebooks and some ballpoint pens with full ink, and you won’t have to disturb your classmates with that clown car of a backpack. I mean, how much sh** can you really pull out of one backpack? And what really beats the taste of poison?

Got any tips for the incoming college Freshmen? Wanna let them know how to not die on the first day?
Comment below!

 

The Terrible (And Relatively Tolerable) Truths About Being Twenty

Twenty. It’s an awkward age. And I thought I was awkward then. Psh. I’ve only blossomed. When I was younger, I always thought that twenty was going to be such a grand thing. I was going to have everything in my life together, wrapped neatly in a white picket fence and bow. Well, not yet, but on my way toward the like. But as a current twenty year old, I can honestly say that it isn’t as glamorous as it seems (self-kick to the childhood). Here are a few terrible truths about being twenty that I never would’ve even thought about as a kid, that I now know to be inevitably true. The fantasy has officially been extinguished.

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1. Life: “You need to get your act together. You’re an ADULT. You need to have job experience. Nobody’s gonna take you seriously unless you start taking on more than your schedule can hold. Do it for ME–I mean….employers.” Love always, Your Parents (and supposedly your greatest support system. Hrm. It’s just tough love. Right? Riiiight?)

Reality Check: You’re too young to have a full-time occupation but still too old to “babysit”. At this point, it would just be weird (“You little slacker, you. Nobody’s gonna look at that babysitting job on your resume and say, “Wow, this kid’s a catch. He can whip up snacks and make sure kids don’t die while their parents “visit grandma for dinner”. Hurry, grab him while he’s still available. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHY ARE YOU NOT ON THE PHONE WITH HIM AS WE SPEAK?! These qualifications are rare.”). If you’re not an intern for a major corporation by 20 (If you’re not already owning it by now, because you should really be trying to get ahead of the pack, you slacker), you’re the epitome of a failure. Embrace the failure stink. It’s all that you’ll ever know.

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2. Life: “You know Josh? Do you remember little ol’ Josh? Well, Josh works for the FBI now–he’s in charge of the FBI–oh excuse me, he CREATED the FBI. And he’s only 19. And he’s also cured cancer, built homes for the poor, completely ended world hunger, and invented a flying car, all in one weekend. Could you imagine what he could do in two?! Josh was always such a good boy, but wow! Josh is so great now! Why can’t you be like Josh? You should call Josh. Hang out with Josh. Love Josh. Love him. Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh. Joshjoshjoshjoshjosh….(“Josh” chant that leaves you in a state of eternal hell, kind of like the ending to the “Bill Nye the Science Guy” chant at the end of his intro. Ring a bell?)” (The name “Josh” is hypothetical, but I guess if you’re an awesome Josh, I’m talking about you, buddy. You’re making my parents and everyone with high expectations of me hate my freakin’ guts. Good job. HOPE YOU’RE PROUD.)

Reality Check: We all know a Josh. Ugh. Kinda wish he’d go away and take his Facebook full of all of his stupid milestones with him. He makes my own major accomplishments look like mere blips on the radar, and then I get verbally paddled (with a gentle voice occasionally to cushion the blow) because he’s the next young genius of geniuses in all of Geniusville. This is why Netflix exists. Not to entertain us (me). It’s so we (I) can wallow in our (my) disappointed existence because Josh ALREADY FIXED ALL THE WORLD’S PROBLEMS SO THERE’S NOTHING LEFT TO DO. JOSH HAS IT ALL FIGURED OUT, DOESN’T HE?! But think of it this way. Because of Josh and all of his perfections that you lack, your services are no longer needed. You’re free. Roam, my child.

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3. Life: “Here, have some homework. Wanna hang with friends? Here, have some homework. Got some dishes to do? How about some homework? Family is packing the van and driving for several hours, updating you every five seconds to ensure that you’re waiting at the apartment like a dog that hasn’t been fed in months, so they can see you for the first time in what feels like centuries? It’s a great time for a research paper that has to be a minimum (minimum. not maximum.) of 800 pages, single spaced, due obviously tonight. That’s enough time, right? That was rhetorical, by the way. Eh, who cares. I most certainly don’t care.” -Life

Reality Check: Any and every time you have plans, there will be some homework knocking on your door. True fact. The only way to fight against the buildup is to either get ahead or build a pillow fort out of your whole apartment and become a total shut in, avoid eye contact with your roommate who already thinks you’re a nutcase, and close off all connections to the real world. Nothing can come with you on this journey of seclusion. No laptop, no ipod, and no, not even the smart phone. That phone will know if you’re hiding, and it will notify all of your contacts (including Facebook friends, maybe even the ones you don’t like and don’t know why you ever added) that you’ve completely lost your marbles, as the newest feature of the newest iPhone obviously does. Before you know it, they’ll all come ruthlessly banging on your paper-thin door begging you to gather some sense. Just kidding. You’re gonna die alone in there. With a heavy head and an empty stomach. Nobody is going to realize you disappeared. All because you didn’t want to do your homework. Kinda seems silly now, doesn’t it? Just whip out the 800 page paper. It’ll only take you about an hour. Or a million hours. Something like that. I’m not good with numbers.

Parents: “See, Josh was never afraid to–“

Me: “SHUT UP. Just shut up”.

Parents: “But Josh always did his homework before it was due and he still managed to–“

*mysterious disappearance not caused by prior events/conversations at all but definitely by something else, yeah*

*Oh no, where did my parents go? Oh it was an accident. Oh it happened all of a sudden. Oh*

 Can you relate?

We can bask together. Share if you dare.