Tag Archives: college student

Easier Now

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All of my life, I have struggled with the fear of becoming overweight again, because as a child, I suffered immensely from being the chubbier kid. I wasn’t confident, happy, or satisfied with my quality of life. This is not to say that if you are confident or happy at this size or any size, you shouldn’t be. I just know that, in my experience, I spent so much time, too much time, agonizing over how I could be different and how I could be better. I just couldn’t see the beauty in myself. Something destructive had stuck with me and had no intention of letting go. At such a young age, those kinds of feelings have a deep imprint on your soul. I know they did on mine. But this time around, at 21 years old, as I am not overweight but still trying to keep in shape and stay healthy, it’s easier. Everything seems….easier.

I’ve noticed the change. I’m not looking in the mirror as much, grabbing at the visible fat on my sides or tummy, or scowling at the figure that stands before me, disappointed by what I see. She’s a beautiful person and she has carried me through 21 years of life, 21 years of experience, growth, love, failure, and triumph. She is the portal in which I have navigated the plane of life and she is the woman I will be until the day I die. She will change, physically and mentally, as she moves forward, but there should be no reason why I should look upon her with judgment. Her body has been through injuries, sickness, heartache. She’s fought through loss, anxiety attacks, hurt. I no longer look upon her, the body that housed and loved me, like she is wrong and needs to be changed. I’m guiding her in the right direction, a healthier path and state of mind.

I’ve grown to adore this changed perspective towards my body. I’m not judging myself like I used to. I can look in the mirror, smile, and know that that smile is genuine. I do love myself, and I love my body. There will be times when I come down on the beautiful girl in the mirror, the one that looks back at me and reflects the life that I’ve been living and the experiences I’ve gathered, but I know that those times will be fleeting, and will not house themselves permanently within the corners of my mind, waiting for their next moment to swallow the spotlight. Self judgment is no longer welcome in my heart and I’m determined to keep it that way. From here on out, everything feels… easier.

xo Amanda Cramer

Mandirito.com

13 Reasons I’m Thankful this Thanksgiving!

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It’s that time of year again. The time where we all come together, with friends and family, to celebrate the things that we are most grateful for. Lately, I feel like there are so many wonderful, incredible things in my life that deserve to be noted, but because this is “13 reasons” and not “300 reasons”, I’ll try to limit it to the very best of the best!

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1. I finally have my camera charger back! Silly me, and this is going to sound really bad, but when I moved to college for this semester once again, I forgot a tiny little thing that I would need for my camera: the charger. So I had everything, from lenses, to carrying bags, to my DSLRs that I love so very much, and no charger. For either camera. But since I’m back home and spending this week having quality time with the fam, I was able to charge my camera! It’s been way too long, and I’m going to be pretty snap happy for these next couple of months.

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2. We always have the best, most delicious coffee at home. It’s one of the little things I miss when I’m away at school. I don’t even know what it is that makes it so much better. Perhaps the fact that it tastes a little stronger, even when it’s sweetened? It’s like crack. That must be the secret ingredient or something…

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3. I have time to blog again! With all the craziness of finals week arriving and the closure of my courses in combination with everything else, I have had absolutely no time to write, and I’ve missed it. I do it for you guys because I know you enjoy my work, but I especially enjoy it because in most cases, it feels quite therapeutic to me. Stay tuned for all the new posts coming soon! THEY’RE COMING.

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4. All the positive feedback I’ve received as of late. Even with me being busy and not having as much time lately to write for you guys everyday, you’ve still been so loving and supportive. I’ve barely lost any followers and subscribers, and it means a lot to me that you guys have stuck around!

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5. Sleeping in my own bed. It’s a pile of fluffy sheets and copious amounts of blankets that feel a lot like what heaven would feel like if it were a place to sleep. No bed compares to my bed at home, not to knock my bed in my apartment that highly resembles the hardness of blanketed concrete. But yeah.

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6. The weather is just gorgeous! I came from school, raining ferociously and wind blowing over bikes, to back home, sunny, breezy, and clear-sky-ed. It’s not even boiling hot. It’s a dream, really.

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7. After several months of being away from my family, nothing is more exciting than getting to spend time with them again. I’ve been here for only a couple of days so far and it’s been amazing. I look forward to countless more memories in this week alone, err….these next few days, the last few days…. before I have to head back to take my exams! *sigh*

The child within me weeps at the thought of leaving them and going back to my responsibilities. D*mn you, adulthood.

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8. This is the first time I’ve had an ounce of free time, and I’m clinging to them desperately. My major is definitely for the sleepless, but these breaks help me refocus. I’m keeping my eyes on the prize, even if they’re watery and red from tiredness.

I don’t have a ton of time, but I sure am a professional napper and cryer at this point.

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9. I have access to all my pretty clothes (and BEANIES!) that I didn’t get to bring when I moved away to college. It feels like I have brand new clothes every time I come home because there are so many pieces that I haven’t seen in a while. It gives me inspiration to try new outfits and rewear the clothes that I already have!

See that gif? Yeah, that’s me at college, staring in despair at my overflowing yet empty closet. NOTHING TO WEAR. NOTHING TO WEAR AT ALL.

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10. I can finally catch up on my latest guilty pleasure and the most successful procrastination technique I’ve discovered thus far within this semester: the Vampire Diaries series. It’s pretty dangerous when I have time to marathon on Netflix and when Netflix actually has to ask if I’m still there. Someone send help (Is there a life alert for Netflixers?!)!

Oh, and the answer to that question? College. Yep, yep. Feeling nothing. Team no sleep. Kinda numb. Coffee running through my veins. Sweatpants all day, everyday. It really does things to you…..

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11. I have time to work on building my audience. I’ve been slacking lately and I feel like my blog has come to somewhat of a stat-standstill, so it’ll be nice to dedicate some time to gaining exposure again. It takes a chunk of time and effort to create and manage a blog, and I don’t want to be that person that gives up when time gets tough! I, no, more like WE, will work through this. I have a good feeling.

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12. I’m learning to be much more independent and actually relishing in the independence. I think after a breakup, it’s best to learn how to focus on yourself and what you need to personally accomplish, and I feel like I’m doing that successfully lately. Sometimes I do need to turn my attention to myself and figure out what I want in order to prioritize my own dreams for the future.

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13. Everything feels like it’s falling into place. There are times in all of our lives when we feel fluctuation, when things get bad, get a little bit better, but then revert back to what we’ve been dreading. Lately, though, things are looking up. I feel like I’m cultivating a lot of positivity and I hope to maintain this positive outlook for the remainder of the year, and hopefully extend it beyond that. I can honestly say that I feel good, both physically and mentally. Things are looking up (knock on wood).

So now it’s your turn. Go ahead, tell me.

What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?

Comment below!

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The Personality Fluctuation of an Anxiety-Ridden Student of Life

Ready, Set, Done! – A Response to the Daily Post prompt

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It’s strange.

I feel like I am a different person every day, or maybe every other day. One day, I will be confident, persuasive, extroverted, rambunctious. The next, I will be reclusive, introverted, perfectly happy surrounded by nothing more than my drawing tablet, cup of coffee, and my laptop on full-charge playing some Ingrid Michaelson as background music. How does this change? How do I transition between two completely different phases, two personalities that could essentially house two different bodies but instead cozy up to each other in this one individual: me?

Some days, I am pained by the glance of strangers, while other days, it’s perfectly easy to return a smile, strike a conversation. On the days when I don’t wish to return the favor, I can feel their eyes burning into my cheek like they’re branding me with their look. I can actually feel the blood rush to my face, rising and burning like flames under my skin. But when I smile back, there’s mutual acknowledgement, and the glance is dropped. Something about people avoiding elongated eye contact… At these points, I feel like I reversed the reaction.

There are days when I enjoy the spotlight, basking in the glow of my accomplishments. And then, on the opposing end, there are moments when I hope to god that no one mentions that I was the culprit of something, even if it were a wonderful thing. The pressure to perform on these days makes me feel like a seasoned actress.

The weirdest part of it all is that I’m never really too sure which personality will be more dominant each morning I wake up. I accept them both lovingly though. I adore my extroverted, loud-and-proud side just as equally as the less showy introverted side I possess. I believe it all really depends on the anxiety I experience on a day to day basis. When its grip isn’t as strong, I’m more outward and upfront. There’s no barricade preventing me from projecting myself. But this isn’t to say that on the days I prefer being alone, I am generally anxious. Anxiety certainly contributes though, at least to some of these days. I have to wonder if the anxiety I experience is what maintains my ambiversion, or if naturally I am comprised of elements from both sides that sometimes just separate more distinctly on specific days.

Anyone else feel like they’re housing two opposing personalities in one body sometimes?

Do you prefer one side over the other?

15 Accomplishments/Goals I Want to Achieve by the Closing of this Year! Bring It!

I am surrounded by people who only have short-term goals, who only know what they’re going to eat for dinner later on or what supplies they need to get for class this week, which isn’t necessary wrong per se, but what about the future? What about a couple months from now, half a year from now? I don’t want to have just short-term goals, and I don’t even think I can only have short-term goals at this point. I have quite a few projects in the works and they require a lot more planning than I’m actually used to. I would like to share with my lovely readers the achievements I hope to accomplish by the looming closure of the 2014th year (crazy to think we’re so close, right?). When I put the milestones I hope to accomplish in writing or print more like, I have found that I strive much harder to complete them by the deadline, and it inspires me knowing that the people who have been rooting for my success for so long are reading what I hope to make of myself and pushing me to continue to gain experience and grow as a creative individual. If you feel inspired by this idea, by all means, make your own list of 15 accomplishments (or however you feel necessary) and link me to it below! Making goals as a group actually proves to be the most successful method of prioritizing because there is a mutual pressure to perform amongst the participants. It’s like positive peer pressure!

With that being said, here are my 15 goals for the rest of the year!:

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1. Reach at least 100 “likes” on the Mandirito Facebook fan pagehttps://www.facebook.com/Mandirito.the.blogger

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2. Reach at least 400 followers on Twitterhttps://twitter.com/Mandirito_blogs

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3. Restart my Youtube channel and actually keep it going for a while!

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4. Achieve at least 100 followers on Youtube. I worked on a Youtube channel for a while but got discouraged when I realized I wouldn’t have enough time to do it. But now, I’m more determined than ever to get back on the horse! When I start again, it will be a bunch of tutorials. Makeup tutorials, Outfit of the Day videos, Makeup of the Day videos, maybe some art tutorials, and whatever else my readers and viewers want to see.

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5. Become masterful at Adobe Photoshop 3D. I am amazed by how much you can create in Photoshop and would love to be able to manipulate in 3d as well!

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6. Get to 200 followers on Tumblr at the very least. I just created an affiliated Mandirito Tumblr which incorporates all of the things I find important or interesting. It’s more random stuff than anything.

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7. Get my writing shared again on a notable website. For a while, I worked for Local Heroes Today (you can read my writing at localheroestoday.com), but I miss the thrill of getting published now that I don’t work there anymore. I would like to reach a more dynamic audience!

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8. Sit down and actually learn how to use Reddit. I’ve always wanted to learn but alas, I have yet to get to it. So here’s to Reddit and all that it has to offer!

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9. Attempt to get all of my grades to A’s. Currently I have A’s and then one C (Grrrr), but I’m working hard and I’m willing to put in some hours to get the work done right.

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10. Try to drink more water. I hate the taste of water and have no desire to drink it, but I know it’s good for me. It’s incredibly conflicting. Why can’t coffee be the thing that’s good for me?

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11. Get down to my goal weight. No, I’m not one of those people that wants to look half of my body weight but I do want to get down a few pounds for the sake of being healthy. I’m already cleaning up my diet tremendously, so I doubt this should be an issue by then.

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12. Find a job/internship that I am passionate about. I have some potential positions lined up, but I’m waiting for confirmation before I determine anything. Fingers crossed!

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13. Start maintaining a healthy sleep schedule. I feel like I never sleep.

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14. Learn a chunk of a new language. I’m in the process of learning Spanish but I want to be able to know enough to conversationally speak it.

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15. and last but certainly not least, learn how to efficiently expand my online presence!

Do you have a list of goals you would like to finish by the conclusion of this year?

Comment below if you’d like to share!

 

 

5 Things I Am Grateful for This Week (And Yes, I’m Back for Good, My Beautifuls!…and Handsomes?)

A much needed update. I feel absolutely awful for spending so much time away from writing, but I’d like to tell you guys what’s going on before I continue this journey. This semester, so far, has had be taking an emotional and physical beating. I feel completely drained. I’ve done really well in college so far, gotten generally A’s and B’s up until this point, and now that I’m diving into my major-related classes, I’m working double as hard to keep those A’s and B’s I’ve strived for in the past. And yes, I’ve got ’em currently, but seriously, I’m whipped. So here we go. I am back in the writing game, I’m happy to be back at my blog, and I’m ready to continue this journey with you guys, everyone that’s supported me and cheered me on even when I felt like giving up. This one’s for you for being as awesome as you are.

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10 Things I am Grateful for This Week!

1. I have my inspiration back! For the love of God, FINALLY. I have a writing course that I’m taking that drains the creativity right out of me, so having this creativity in my grasp again is a blessing. I feel like writing keeps me going, and if I don’t have the energy to do it, I’m just not the same. So I am thankful for being inspired again!

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2. I am thankful that my car is in pristine (working) condition again. You guys weren’t there for the sh*tshow that ensued with my car situation and how every morning felt like a new adventure trying to figure out whether I’d get to class or not on time, or whether I’d be giving another desperate call to AAA. My little beater, Antonio, is officially back in business. Ladies….

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3.  I have rediscovered my obsession with Civilization 5. Between classes, I’ve been coming back to my apartment and continuing what I believe to be the longest single game I’ve ever played, with 15 cumulative hours played. WTF am I even doing with my life? 20 minutes in real life feels like 2 seconds in Civ 5. I feel like the best conqueror the world has ever seen. I think I’m just gonna take this love a step further and start talking to people in Civ 5 terms and if they know what I mean and can relate to the craze, they’re automatically friends.

Friend: “I had a good time today. We should do this again.”

Me: “How about we make a Public Declaration of Friendship for 15 turns to make it official?”

Friend: “Girl, you took the words right out of my mouth. Might as well open our borders as well, just for old time’s sake.”

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4. Ever since I started my subscription with Ipsy, I feel like I’m better equipped to look dashing in every situation and actually feel like I do. I’m learning how to accept using new products that I’ve never seen or heard about before without feeling like I’ve betrayed my regular purchases and am becoming more accustomed to experimenting with new makeup. *Fit Me foundation hysterically crying in the distance* I’m sorry, shhh, it’s not me or Ipsy. It’s you….You just….don’t Fit Me anymore

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5. And finally, last night I got a total of 12 hours of sleep, on accident. Yes, I repeat, on accident. Didn’t even mean to fall asleep, but your girl feel like she’s got rainbows shooting from her eyeballs. Sleep is such a beautiful thing. Every college student in the entire world knows this struggle.

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What are you thankful for this week?

Leave a comment below if you love me. And if you don’t? Well, I don’t love you either. The feeling’s mutual, buddy.

The Pros, Cons, Ins, and Outs of Social Networks – the Perspective of a Digital Media-Savvy College Student

Social networks are essential at this point to keep in touch with others (it’s one of the first things people ask for when they meet, besides phone numbers!) efficiently as we are all part of a network or several networks due to technological advancement and our ever-changing society (especially in this technologically-born-and-bred generation), but what makes them such a useful tool in our abilities to communicate? Even more importantly than that, what about these networks is counterproductive to our social growth? In this post, I’d like to take a second to analyze the networks I participate in from my perspective to bring to light the positives and negatives of these online communities.

Excuse my sarcasm. If you don’t like it, look away.

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Real-Life Uses: Telling and showing everyone your inner “wild child”, mentally documenting all the places your friends have gone without you this week, and sharing “”Like” this if you love -insert subject here that is legitimately unaffected by your “like” on Facebook-” pictures. Oh, and occasionally dropping in to say “hello” to people that you speak so little to that you’re practically strangers or initiating unwarranted booty calls.

Sparknotes: “How many times are you going to go clubbing out on a weekday? Or are all of those photos from just last night? Why didn’t you invite me? You said you weren’t going to the club until this weekend….”

Pros – Facebook was the immediate, significantly better competitor of MySpace, it’s failed predecessor. It provided a simple, friendly (overly friendly) interface for users that got sick and tired of the dying Myspace community (“GOD I HATE MY MYSPACE FRIENDS. THEY SUCK. THEY’D BE SO MUCH COOLER IF THEY WERE STILL MY FRIENDS, BUT SOMEWHERE ELSE!”) that were still looking for ways to keep in touch with each other (and who all followed each other into this new world of stalking–I mean…..Facebook). Facebook has its perks. You can create groups easily, which is convenient for people to bond over their unhealthy obsessions with Chipotle and rave culture, but it is also a great tool for users that want to associate with people that work in the same field (potentially to bond over the struggles that only they would know, and possibly to practice empathy?). Or another great feature would be the ease of information transfer, so you can read up on your crush’s latest (and definitely greatest) post to your mutual friend’s profile discussing the crazy party he attended last weekend that he claims he doesn’t remember because he was “sooooo wasted”. Or something.

Cons – I don’t know if you caught the vibe that I let on before, but I’ll certainly reiterate. Facebook is great. It is, I promise. But it’s getting creepy. The latest feature that they released (or what I believe to be the latest notable feature) is the ability to track how close in proximity people are to your location and to share your location as well. It’s so gross how invasive this can be, and you know that this tool could be used for so many more ways that aren’t as innocent as the way it was meant to be used (unless stalking was the full intention. In that case, bravo. You’ve won.).

Another fault of Facebook (and of course, this isn’t little old Facebook’s fault) is the duck-face-peace-sign combination in pictures (usually profile pictures) that transferred from the death of Myspace. It’s quite a shame, really. But I don’t penalize those who use the combination ironically, as long as the irony is known. Let that be known.

Instagram

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Real-Life Uses: Selfie storage and meal documentation.

Sparknotes: “We all suddenly know your dietary habits. Really well. A little too well, since we haven’t talked since the third grade. Your toilet schedule would be nice to know, too, if you could post that as well.”

Pros – I love being able to just post photos if I want to. If I want to be mysterious and awesome (not that I’m not already, as you already know–HEY, DON’T LAUGH!), I can “live life dangerously” and post a photo with no context in the caption and it will be all good and dandy. Hah. But really, I think it’s a neat network. I enjoy the fact that you can “try on” a bunch of effects on your photographs before you settle with one, and that as of late, Instagram has provided a sick new set of customizations for photographs, from contrast to sharpening. It looks like they’re headed in the right direction, so I don’t see an account cancelation induced by disappointment in my near future.

Cons – You can’t edit comments, so that nasty comment you left in a fury of bitter hatred is licked and sealed. The damage has been done, and there will be no take-backs to be had. Ouch. I hope it was worth it. Maybe that’s the penalty for getting “white girl wasted” and angry in combination. I do think, on a more serious note, that reporting should be taken a lot more seriously on Insta, as I have seen several accounts become compromised with radio silence from the support staff for days to even weeks before the problem was fixed. Not only that, but people report the most ridiculous material, too, on there which bugs me. The report button is not meant to be a play thing. No bueno.

Twitter

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Real-Life Uses: An everyday Battle of the Sexes and lots of sexually-oriented, anonymous retaliation submissions to Collegefession. And of course, the cheesy love quotes and the “LOVE CAN GO BURN IN AN ETERNAL PIT OF FIRE” quotes, both equally enjoyable.

Sparknotes: “I’m a strong, independent -insert racial label that has nothing to do with independence- woman who don’t need no man. Unless he’ll buy me flowers, call me first (beat me to it, please!), and text me cute things every living, breathing minute of every day. Then I say, “Hell Yes! Come here, my Prince Charming!” But only then. These terms are non-negotiable.”

Pros –  Many of the organizations I already “follow” have a Twitter, so following them on there allows me to herd them all into one place. Is that it? Yeah, I think that’s about it. I don’t use Twitter that much (and this is your queue to gasp dramatically and inquire as to why I haven’t embraced this beautiful thing wholeheartedly within my own life), because I have yet to purge my profile of all the users that spam my dashboard with cliche quote vomit. It’s not Twitter’s fault, so don’t get it twisted. If you like Twitter, continue tweeting on to your heart’s content.

Cons – My dashboard is filled with a bunch of garbage (I want to be nice, but I just…can’t). I probably look at 1% of the material on there, if I even go on Twitter. All people ever retweet are 20-page slideshows (when realistically speaking, I only clicked the link in the hopes of reading ONE STORY on said topic), nudes (or semi-nudes), and anonymous confessions on Collegefession that glorify cheating on significant others and carelessness by people who are legally considered “adults” that act worse than their younger (probably more responsible) counterparts. I feel like I’m mid-life crisis-ing all over this (and I’m only in my twenties!), but going on Twitter makes me feel straight-up dirty for that reason. At this point, I only go on to actually view the Twitter profiles of organizations I admire, rather than scope them out on my dashboard between a slideshow about Miley Cyrus’ red carpet faux pas and a quote supposedly by Marilyn Monroe that was never actually said by Marilyn Monroe. And no, seeing that same quote retweeted over and over never gets less awkward.

Which is your personal take on the social networks you’re currently a part of?