Tag Archives: different

The Personality Fluctuation of an Anxiety-Ridden Student of Life

Ready, Set, Done! – A Response to the Daily Post prompt

anxiety 2

It’s strange.

I feel like I am a different person every day, or maybe every other day. One day, I will be confident, persuasive, extroverted, rambunctious. The next, I will be reclusive, introverted, perfectly happy surrounded by nothing more than my drawing tablet, cup of coffee, and my laptop on full-charge playing some Ingrid Michaelson as background music. How does this change? How do I transition between two completely different phases, two personalities that could essentially house two different bodies but instead cozy up to each other in this one individual: me?

Some days, I am pained by the glance of strangers, while other days, it’s perfectly easy to return a smile, strike a conversation. On the days when I don’t wish to return the favor, I can feel their eyes burning into my cheek like they’re branding me with their look. I can actually feel the blood rush to my face, rising and burning like flames under my skin. But when I smile back, there’s mutual acknowledgement, and the glance is dropped. Something about people avoiding elongated eye contact… At these points, I feel like I reversed the reaction.

There are days when I enjoy the spotlight, basking in the glow of my accomplishments. And then, on the opposing end, there are moments when I hope to god that no one mentions that I was the culprit of something, even if it were a wonderful thing. The pressure to perform on these days makes me feel like a seasoned actress.

The weirdest part of it all is that I’m never really too sure which personality will be more dominant each morning I wake up. I accept them both lovingly though. I adore my extroverted, loud-and-proud side just as equally as the less showy introverted side I possess. I believe it all really depends on the anxiety I experience on a day to day basis. When its grip isn’t as strong, I’m more outward and upfront. There’s no barricade preventing me from projecting myself. But this isn’t to say that on the days I prefer being alone, I am generally anxious. Anxiety certainly contributes though, at least to some of these days. I have to wonder if the anxiety I experience is what maintains my ambiversion, or if naturally I am comprised of elements from both sides that sometimes just separate more distinctly on specific days.

Anyone else feel like they’re housing two opposing personalities in one body sometimes?

Do you prefer one side over the other?

Let’s Do Something Different Tonight!

There are so many of you that I have yet to talk to, and I would love to get the opportunity to interact with the whole community of writers that make up this website! I thought it would be a fun idea to do something like a Q and A session to keep the ideas flowing while getting to know what you guys think about. If any of you need advice ON ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING, go ahead and ask. Tweet me @Madirito, comment a question, or you post your question as a new post on WordPress with the tag #AskMandirito, and I will create a post answering your question. It can be a prompt, a question, an idea, a thought, whatever! Show me what you got 🙂 

Mandy

Random thought: It’d be so cool if there was a “choose your own destiny” book for my life, that I could look through and see how things would change if I hadn’t make the choices I had made

I’d have to say though, it’d be a pretty long and complicated book. I regret nothing, because I wouldn’t want to start over.

When things aren’t going right, there’s room for change.

And change will come, with the fury of an inextinguishable fire. Who’s ready to feel the burn?

Random thought: If I hadn’t become enlightened by the world of visual creation, I have to wonder where I would be at this point in my life

How would I have applied myself and my other talents in a practical way?
Would I have found something that I would’ve loved equally as much as creative freedom?

Watch your mouth. The world is listening.

3542166_orig

Do you ever feel like, because of the accessibility of the internet and all the topics that you post, that you have to almost….filter yourself? I’m always watching what I’m saying and doing, and I don’t like it. I don’t like feeling like I have to “tone down” my personality to keep from being offensive, or being considered “unjustified”. Can’t I just spill the beans, and if you don’t like them, can you just tuck them into the trash can and not look at them again? Or does it always have to be that you’re gathering the beans, waiting to put them in a bb-gun to fire back as ammunition at the moment you feel threatened or disturbed? I don’t want to offend people, and that’s not why I’m posting this. I just don’t want to contain my thoughts anymore, about the world. What ever happened to “being yourself”? Why can’t I be myself without a black and white filter blocking your view? I’m colorful, and weird, and excited about the world. I have a lot to say and I’d love to be able to say it.

What are your thoughts on filtering yourself? Do you ever feel like you don’t get to say enough?