Tag Archives: growth

You Are Loved

People will tell you that you should never base your self-worth on those that surround you, because there will be times when they will let you down and times they will take a shot at your feelings due to their own circumstances, and your first assumption will be that it is because YOU are not worth their time, or YOU are not worth their effort. It’s difficult to not let how others treat you affect the way you perceive yourself. Recent events have let those kinds of destructive thoughts creep into my own head, which I had persistently blocked for a very long time. I began thinking that I wasn’t worth the time, the effort, the sacrifice, the love, the respect, and the understanding it takes to be in a relationship, a friendship, anything. The issue is that the negative forces in our lives take so much of a toll on us personally that they end up overwhelming the positive forces, and I can’t believe that I didn’t acknowledge this when it happened in my own life recently. I know that I am worth so much more than I have been given credit for in the past. I am not my unhappy experiences, my failures, my pain, my sadness, my inabilities, my projected worth…I am so much more.

That is why I believe that you are good enough, too. You may have had a horrible day, week, even year. But you know what? Things are going to get better, for both you and I. I may not even know you, but I can tell you that you can’t base your perception of YOUR worth on how people treat you. People are selfish and sometimes they don’t even mean to be. But they can be, and sometimes they are. Who’s to say that the way they conduct their lives and treat others reflects how you should be treated and how much you’re worth as an individual? You’re not a toy that they can just play with when they’ve got a moment to spare, and then put on the shelf. You’re not their pet, relying on them for the quality of your own life. You are a person with feelings, ambitions, vulnerabilities in combination with strengths. You’re unique in all aspects of your life and there will never be someone just like you, someone rich in the qualities that you possess in the exact same way. So you know what? Ditch the negative people, the hurtful memories, the times you’ve fallen on your face so hard you thought you’d never get back up, the underestimations people have of you, the disappointment people in their own lives that has somehow been projected upon your own life… Forget how people have made you feel. You’re incredible, and you deserve to be happy. Don’t let anyone take that happiness, that ability to feel alive and love yourself and the world around you, away from you. You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and excited about your life, and those who don’t agree, don’t deserve to be a part of YOU.

You’re incredible, and no matter who you are, where you are, how people have hurt you in the past, what you think you’re worth, if I know you or not, you deserve to be happy and you are loved. Tremendously, genuinely, honestly, respectfully…

You are loved.

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Easier Now

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All of my life, I have struggled with the fear of becoming overweight again, because as a child, I suffered immensely from being the chubbier kid. I wasn’t confident, happy, or satisfied with my quality of life. This is not to say that if you are confident or happy at this size or any size, you shouldn’t be. I just know that, in my experience, I spent so much time, too much time, agonizing over how I could be different and how I could be better. I just couldn’t see the beauty in myself. Something destructive had stuck with me and had no intention of letting go. At such a young age, those kinds of feelings have a deep imprint on your soul. I know they did on mine. But this time around, at 21 years old, as I am not overweight but still trying to keep in shape and stay healthy, it’s easier. Everything seems….easier.

I’ve noticed the change. I’m not looking in the mirror as much, grabbing at the visible fat on my sides or tummy, or scowling at the figure that stands before me, disappointed by what I see. She’s a beautiful person and she has carried me through 21 years of life, 21 years of experience, growth, love, failure, and triumph. She is the portal in which I have navigated the plane of life and she is the woman I will be until the day I die. She will change, physically and mentally, as she moves forward, but there should be no reason why I should look upon her with judgment. Her body has been through injuries, sickness, heartache. She’s fought through loss, anxiety attacks, hurt. I no longer look upon her, the body that housed and loved me, like she is wrong and needs to be changed. I’m guiding her in the right direction, a healthier path and state of mind.

I’ve grown to adore this changed perspective towards my body. I’m not judging myself like I used to. I can look in the mirror, smile, and know that that smile is genuine. I do love myself, and I love my body. There will be times when I come down on the beautiful girl in the mirror, the one that looks back at me and reflects the life that I’ve been living and the experiences I’ve gathered, but I know that those times will be fleeting, and will not house themselves permanently within the corners of my mind, waiting for their next moment to swallow the spotlight. Self judgment is no longer welcome in my heart and I’m determined to keep it that way. From here on out, everything feels… easier.

xo Amanda Cramer

Mandirito.com

Final Thoughts of 2014

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Confronted with the past, we often stand down. We let it consume us, devour the current day and age with regrets of moments we can no longer change. Moments that have passed us.

I won’t stand down. I won’t cry, or regret, or reminisce about the “good ol’ days”. I won’t second guess myself or humor myself with a different outcome that could’ve potentially changed the course of my memories. Today is today, and holds its own potential.

There are moments in my past that I wish I would’ve appreciated then, as I cannot appreciate them in the same magnitude as my memories begin to fade and distort with time. What music was playing at that moment? Who was there? What were their facial expressions? Were they happy, hurt, longing, anxious? Do these little details even matter anymore?

They matter when you think back, but in the moment of the experience, you’re drawn to see the big picture. The details fade into the backdrop and become minuscule, only to arise to the surface in bits and pieces later on, often in unwelcome nostalgic spurts. The concepts are still alive and well and the meaning behind the memories of our past still stands but I’m choosing to pack up these boxes and dispose of the feelings that once gave me happiness but have lately weighed heavily upon my soul. I’ve been progressively releasing my attachment to these moments as they don’t serve my life positively anymore.

I choose to live in the now, but that’s not to say that the time I spent prior to the current day is inconsequential, the experiences I’ve gathered are meaningless. They matter, however some things you cannot change once all interaction has been exhausted, connections have been tampered with and broken, and the passions that you had grown to love, that had once lingered and given you comfort, have grown stale. I’ve grown to accept the shortcomings, regrets, hurt of my past and hope that the future holds better days with even greater joys.

Here is to life, to a new year full of opportunity and lessons to be learned. Here is to new laughs, triumphs, friendships, experiences. To growth, improvement, realizations, creativity, and an awakened zest for all the little things life holds in store.

May this year bring change that exudes confidence towards an even more exciting and fulfilling future, and may the skeletons of our memories be laid to rest. It’s time to move forward.

5 Things I Am Grateful for This Week (And Yes, I’m Back for Good, My Beautifuls!…and Handsomes?)

A much needed update. I feel absolutely awful for spending so much time away from writing, but I’d like to tell you guys what’s going on before I continue this journey. This semester, so far, has had be taking an emotional and physical beating. I feel completely drained. I’ve done really well in college so far, gotten generally A’s and B’s up until this point, and now that I’m diving into my major-related classes, I’m working double as hard to keep those A’s and B’s I’ve strived for in the past. And yes, I’ve got ’em currently, but seriously, I’m whipped. So here we go. I am back in the writing game, I’m happy to be back at my blog, and I’m ready to continue this journey with you guys, everyone that’s supported me and cheered me on even when I felt like giving up. This one’s for you for being as awesome as you are.

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10 Things I am Grateful for This Week!

1. I have my inspiration back! For the love of God, FINALLY. I have a writing course that I’m taking that drains the creativity right out of me, so having this creativity in my grasp again is a blessing. I feel like writing keeps me going, and if I don’t have the energy to do it, I’m just not the same. So I am thankful for being inspired again!

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2. I am thankful that my car is in pristine (working) condition again. You guys weren’t there for the sh*tshow that ensued with my car situation and how every morning felt like a new adventure trying to figure out whether I’d get to class or not on time, or whether I’d be giving another desperate call to AAA. My little beater, Antonio, is officially back in business. Ladies….

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3.  I have rediscovered my obsession with Civilization 5. Between classes, I’ve been coming back to my apartment and continuing what I believe to be the longest single game I’ve ever played, with 15 cumulative hours played. WTF am I even doing with my life? 20 minutes in real life feels like 2 seconds in Civ 5. I feel like the best conqueror the world has ever seen. I think I’m just gonna take this love a step further and start talking to people in Civ 5 terms and if they know what I mean and can relate to the craze, they’re automatically friends.

Friend: “I had a good time today. We should do this again.”

Me: “How about we make a Public Declaration of Friendship for 15 turns to make it official?”

Friend: “Girl, you took the words right out of my mouth. Might as well open our borders as well, just for old time’s sake.”

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4. Ever since I started my subscription with Ipsy, I feel like I’m better equipped to look dashing in every situation and actually feel like I do. I’m learning how to accept using new products that I’ve never seen or heard about before without feeling like I’ve betrayed my regular purchases and am becoming more accustomed to experimenting with new makeup. *Fit Me foundation hysterically crying in the distance* I’m sorry, shhh, it’s not me or Ipsy. It’s you….You just….don’t Fit Me anymore

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5. And finally, last night I got a total of 12 hours of sleep, on accident. Yes, I repeat, on accident. Didn’t even mean to fall asleep, but your girl feel like she’s got rainbows shooting from her eyeballs. Sleep is such a beautiful thing. Every college student in the entire world knows this struggle.

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What are you thankful for this week?

Leave a comment below if you love me. And if you don’t? Well, I don’t love you either. The feeling’s mutual, buddy.

Collegiette Clue-Ins: 5 First-Hand Realizations About Making the Big Move to Off-Campus Housing

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Since the moment I stepped foot on campus, I was a dormy. I had the little shared room, which later turned into a little non-shared room, but still, it was a dorm. A dorm is a dorm is a dorm. This goes without saying, but dorms do not accommodate free-flowing space and the habitation of one person, let alone two. If it weren’t for the experience, I would’ve kicked the idea of living in a furnished closet to the corner, but that exhilarated Freshman inside of me begged to be confined by these bare white walls and the concrete-esque mattress of this twin-sized board they called my bed to embrace the independence, cooperation, and infamous struggle required as a newly instated collegiette. Now that I’ve gotten past that horrid phase in my college career, I’ve branched to what I had long considered the unknown: school-affiliated apartment housing that is off campus. Yes, I’ve finally done it, the big thing. So to kick off this semester of new beginnings and unexpected struggles, I would like to reiterate the realizations I have made as a campus outsider looking at the whole big picture of my housing experience.


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1. You never really understand how much space you’re missing out on until the moment when you arrive at your first real apartment. I can legitimately breathe in here, deep breaths!  I can extend my arms in both directions, stretch real hard, and not touch both walls. I can smell the freedom, and for once, it doesn’t smell like dirty carpet or an unkept common area. I think that’s exciting! Excitement is actually an understatement. It’s invigorating. And not only that. When I enter my room, I’m not already standing in front of my bed, nor do I have to kick and shove things aside to be able to close my door. I have a good amount of feet before I even come close! I could tell it was a blessing when I unpacked my belongings and the room did not induce a stress-related panic attack.

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2. I finally have a mailbox that isn’t a P.O. box. It’s an ACTUAL, real-life MAILBOX, guys. I never realized how irritating it can be to have a P.O. box when I want to order samples of products (Yep, it’s a new thing I’m trying out, and yes, I promise I’ll include all the details when I actually receive said samples!). A chunk of them won’t even let you if you’re unlucky enough to have a P.O. box, and it’s not really like I had much of a choice coming in to decide where I wanted my mail to be dropped. Having an actual mailbox gives me the freedom to be the scavenger I am for online deals. It’s a win-win. I save money and companies get another (hopefully) happy customer that may or may not consume based upon happy sampling (or sad sampling, if the product makes me break out even more so than my skin does).

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3. The walls are, in fact, still thin. Queue the “boos” and other groans of discontentment. If someone turns their head in the building next door to me, I can hear it. I guess I wasn’t really expecting thicker walls anytime soon, but it was worth the hopefulness. But now, I have the added benefit of creaking floors and creaking ceilings from my neighbors above my apartment romping around, doing what they do on a Wednesday night. However, don’t regard this as a complaint. I am madly, deeply in love with the new apartment I call my home. It really is a home. There’s not a single part about it or my residence community that makes me feel like I’m in confinement.

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4. I’m a rent-paying adult. Ew, adulthood. And I have to pay my rent on time. By a deadline. Like everything else. It’s one of those realizations that only begins to hit you when you’re filling out the check, dotting the “i”‘s, and carving in that finalizing signature. It’s not like the thought hasn’t grazed your brain before, but being the individual that the deadline addresses…it’s so odd. Dorms force you to pay basically upfront. There isn’t a monthly payment that needs to be issued, so the thought barely crossed my mind. I could fill my brain with all of my other obligations (which happily accepted and inhabited the space). I was a little overzealous this month, paying my next month’s rent 10 days before it’s actually due, but I’m an anxious person that knows for sure that I’m going to trip over myself one month and realize that I have yet to pay my rent. So here’s a toast to the overachiever in me, and although overzealous me will get over this next step up, the daunting signs of adulthood that are looming upon me will put me back into this strange little worried state. It takes time to become accustomed to backpacking my responsibilities.

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5. Shuttles are convenient. So convenient. TOO CONVENIENT. The claim is that they arrive every 15 minutes, but….I guess…..15 translates to 45 in a conversation between bus driver and the average punctual, logical, time-telling-and-comprehending student. If you don’t have a car, and you can’t find a friend with a car, and you have free time to wait for an hour before your class to ensure that you get there. And you can’t possibly walk, and it’s not urgent, and the class is optional, and it’s not an exam day, and you don’t mind sporadically rubbing up against strangers, and if you want an arm workout from holding on to the bars too tight while you’re standing in the middle aisle in the hopes that you don’t come crashing through the emergency exit when the driver makes a sudden stop. So….yeah. Shuttles are….convenient. They’re great, if any of those reasons are applicable. But don’t take my word for it. Take them for a spin. You’ll enjoy every sweaty, anxious moment that accompanies this intimate experience. 

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What did you come to realize when you moved off campus?

Leave a comment below! 

If consistency isn’t implemented…

….how can one get punished for not following the guidelines that have yet to be permanently determined, that are relevant to one day but not to the next?
Where is the line being drawn, and why am I not the only one who can’t see this?

Random thought: Even if you’re a simplistic person, life will not always deal you simplistic cards

There will be a challenge to every chase, but mastering or failing that challenge with a positive disposition is what separates you from the rest of the pack. One thing that is always in your grasp is the control you have over your attitude. Although your obstacles will not be fully eliminated by this way of thought, the journey will be significantly lighter upon your shoulders.