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The Personality Fluctuation of an Anxiety-Ridden Student of Life

Ready, Set, Done! – A Response to the Daily Post prompt

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It’s strange.

I feel like I am a different person every day, or maybe every other day. One day, I will be confident, persuasive, extroverted, rambunctious. The next, I will be reclusive, introverted, perfectly happy surrounded by nothing more than my drawing tablet, cup of coffee, and my laptop on full-charge playing some Ingrid Michaelson as background music. How does this change? How do I transition between two completely different phases, two personalities that could essentially house two different bodies but instead cozy up to each other in this one individual: me?

Some days, I am pained by the glance of strangers, while other days, it’s perfectly easy to return a smile, strike a conversation. On the days when I don’t wish to return the favor, I can feel their eyes burning into my cheek like they’re branding me with their look. I can actually feel the blood rush to my face, rising and burning like flames under my skin. But when I smile back, there’s mutual acknowledgement, and the glance is dropped. Something about people avoiding elongated eye contact… At these points, I feel like I reversed the reaction.

There are days when I enjoy the spotlight, basking in the glow of my accomplishments. And then, on the opposing end, there are moments when I hope to god that no one mentions that I was the culprit of something, even if it were a wonderful thing. The pressure to perform on these days makes me feel like a seasoned actress.

The weirdest part of it all is that I’m never really too sure which personality will be more dominant each morning I wake up. I accept them both lovingly though. I adore my extroverted, loud-and-proud side just as equally as the less showy introverted side I possess. I believe it all really depends on the anxiety I experience on a day to day basis. When its grip isn’t as strong, I’m more outward and upfront. There’s no barricade preventing me from projecting myself. But this isn’t to say that on the days I prefer being alone, I am generally anxious. Anxiety certainly contributes though, at least to some of these days. I have to wonder if the anxiety I experience is what maintains my ambiversion, or if naturally I am comprised of elements from both sides that sometimes just separate more distinctly on specific days.

Anyone else feel like they’re housing two opposing personalities in one body sometimes?

Do you prefer one side over the other?

10 Things You Should Try If You Haven’t Already

* I don’t take credit for the pictures *

1. Painting with your hands on canvas. Bring out that inner child. I swear, you won’t regret it. We secretly all love making a mess.

painting baby hand

2. The “Wreck this Journal” series. It broke me out of my composed ways of creating and challenged me in ways that I didn’t realize it could. It’s always been difficult for me to “destroy” things, and that’s the whole basis of the series!

Heres a tip: It’s best to do when angry. Or stressed out. Unleash your wrath upon those pages!

wreck this journal

3. Hot sauce. On everything. At least once. You’ll never go back. You’ll never be the same.

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4. Write a love letter than spills your guts forcefully. Let them know exactly how you feel and don’t leave out any of the mushy details.

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5. Attend an arts festival. They’re probably one of the most interesting places I’ve ever been, and the artists are always great to talk to. I’ve met some colorful characters out there.

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6. Devote yourself to a series of something and see where it takes you. Whether it be creating, reading, writing, tv series, whatever. Stick to it until the end.

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7. Volunteer for the sake of volunteering. Not for your resume, or to graduate high school. Do it for you, and do something that you care about.

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8. Make a youtube video showing something that means something significant to you. Tell a story, do a tutorial, document a moment in your life. Share with the world.

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9. Try something you’ve failed, all over again. Practice makes perfect.

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10. Approach a stranger and give a genuine compliment. Think specific and heartfelt.

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Random thought: It’d be so cool if there was a “choose your own destiny” book for my life, that I could look through and see how things would change if I hadn’t make the choices I had made

I’d have to say though, it’d be a pretty long and complicated book. I regret nothing, because I wouldn’t want to start over.