All of my life, I have struggled with the fear of becoming overweight again, because as a child, I suffered immensely from being the chubbier kid. I wasn’t confident, happy, or satisfied with my quality of life. This is not to say that if you are confident or happy at this size or any size, you shouldn’t be. I just know that, in my experience, I spent so much time, too much time, agonizing over how I could be different and how I could be better. I just couldn’t see the beauty in myself. Something destructive had stuck with me and had no intention of letting go. At such a young age, those kinds of feelings have a deep imprint on your soul. I know they did on mine. But this time around, at 21 years old, as I am not overweight but still trying to keep in shape and stay healthy, it’s easier. Everything seems….easier.
I’ve noticed the change. I’m not looking in the mirror as much, grabbing at the visible fat on my sides or tummy, or scowling at the figure that stands before me, disappointed by what I see. She’s a beautiful person and she has carried me through 21 years of life, 21 years of experience, growth, love, failure, and triumph. She is the portal in which I have navigated the plane of life and she is the woman I will be until the day I die. She will change, physically and mentally, as she moves forward, but there should be no reason why I should look upon her with judgment. Her body has been through injuries, sickness, heartache. She’s fought through loss, anxiety attacks, hurt. I no longer look upon her, the body that housed and loved me, like she is wrong and needs to be changed. I’m guiding her in the right direction, a healthier path and state of mind.
I’ve grown to adore this changed perspective towards my body. I’m not judging myself like I used to. I can look in the mirror, smile, and know that that smile is genuine. I do love myself, and I love my body. There will be times when I come down on the beautiful girl in the mirror, the one that looks back at me and reflects the life that I’ve been living and the experiences I’ve gathered, but I know that those times will be fleeting, and will not house themselves permanently within the corners of my mind, waiting for their next moment to swallow the spotlight. Self judgment is no longer welcome in my heart and I’m determined to keep it that way. From here on out, everything feels… easier.
xo Amanda Cramer
Posted in Personal, Thoughts
Tagged anxiety, anxiety attacks, anxiety sufferer, beauty, beauty standards, body fat, change, child experiences, chubby, college student, comparing, easier, fat, growing, growth, happiness, healthier path, judging, judging myself, judgment, judgmental, kid, learning, life, mandirito the blogger, my experiences, my life, perfect, personal, personal post, perspective, self criticism, society, state of mind, thoughts, unhappy, xo Mandirito
Another workout had been successfully completed, and my clothes were, at this point, plastered to my skin by the accumulation of sweat. The satisfaction of the hard work I had put in had left me with a bubbly feeling. My mind was clear, a smile was beaming on my face. We were on our way out of the gym when something very unsettling occurred. A man and what I believed to be his five children (hopefully they were his) trailed behind me. As I always do when I see that I am not walking unaccompanied, I held the door. He walked in the doorway, paused, and legitimately turned around to talk to one of his youngsters. No joke. Mid doorway, did not say one “thank you” nor did he even acknowledge that the door wasn’t, in fact, holding itself. I was honestly infuriated. After what felt like a good 2 minutes or so, they managed to all squeeze their way through without a single word. Angry now, I turned and yelled, “you’re welcome, sir”. He then turned, glared as if I had been the one overstepping some boundary (HOW DARE I HOLD THE DOOR?! How classless!), and continued walking.
Why is it so incredibly difficult to acknowledge that someone, a stranger, is consciously doing something nice for you, when they could just as easily take the door, wait until you’re about to go through, and send it forcefully back in the hopes of smacking you in the face just for sh*ts and grind? I mean, realistically speaking, I probably wouldn’t do that. But why is it so difficult to give a half of a breath (not even!) to show that you’re not taking the action for granted? I’m a total germaphobe so if I open a door in a public place (which I do often), that’s a pretty big thing. I’m obviously not doing it for my health.
I used to think that “etiquette school” was a thing of the past, but I have to wonder if it actually is. Why is it that humanity has to be retaught to people who consider themselves “human“?
What’s your take?
Posted in Memory, Personal, Rant, Thoughts, Uncategorized
Tagged angry, annoyed, awareness, behaviors, etiquette, experiences, human, humanity, life, manners, my experiences, people, perception, personal, progress, progression, questioning, rant, regress, thank you, thoughts, truth, unaccaptable, understanding
Today has been our first full day here in Saint Augustine and we’ve been on the trolley (I know, I’m being a typical tourist. Sue me.) all morning! The first time I had been here was in the fourth grade (way too young to really experience everything this city has to offer, but I still thoroughly enjoyed it), and ever since then, I had been telling my parents of its beauty and preserved history! I can’t believe that I finally have the opportunity to show them (my parents) around the places that I have visited prior, and to experience the area from an older, wiser perspective. I feel like I’m going to appreciate it much more now than I would’ve back then because now I can soak in all the history and really get a feel for what it was like to be living here in the 1600s (especially through the observation of the Castillo de San Marcos as well as all of these other historical landmarks)! These are the types of places that schools should be taking their students, because the experience I had the first time was unforgettable and I still managed to gather quite an understanding of the history that lies within these buildings. Saint Augustine is not only an educational environment but is rich with culture and new experiences for someone like me, who has remained in South Florida for the majority of her life, traveling often within the US and not many places else (unless you count the cruise I took a couple years back). I will share some of the photographs I’ve taken today with you guys in time.
Have any of you guys been here before?
Any suggestions on what we should do while we spend our time here?
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged asking, beautiful, cannons, castillo de san marcos, documentation, family vacation, forts, historic, history, life, my experiences, my life, nations oldest city, new experiences, preserved history, saint augustine, suggestions, thoughts, united states, US, vacation, war
1. The big smile and excitement I received when I went to Target and happened to run into a woman that seemed very low on energy working the closing shift, that I had struck up a conversation with in passing. I feel like that little conversation made her really happy, which rubbed off on me, too! Happiness is contagious, and I needed that good, warm feeling probably as much as she did.
2. The popularity of “All of Me” on the radio. I became obsessed with it long before it got “radio popular” and now I hear it everywhere. This is a great thing!
3. My family for always being strong role models. Even though we all have our little quirks, we’re an incredibly hardy, generous, great group of people. I was definitely born to the right parents.
4. The woman I had met out shopping that told me that I would “look good in anything”, which made me bashful!
5. The cleanliness of my room right now. It’s so CLEAN and ORGANIZED, and everything is in its place! I feel like I’m in heaven. It took work, but the work was worth the result: spotless bliss.
6. Guacamole. Just guacamole. Forever. Always. Guacamole.
7. My ability to put myself in others’ shoes. I feel like this is a big one, because it’s helped me a lot, and today, it once again was super helpful. I’m surprised I can fit, with my big feet. *shrugs*
8. I’m thankful that my boyfriend has a job, because as we all know, college breaks wallets. He deserves to have play money AS WELL AS saving money! 🙂
9. The vintage dress that I fell in love with today for only FIVE DOLLARS. Oh yes. Beautiful, lacy, black, GORGEOUS vintage. It was a REALLY lucky find!
10. Last but not least, I am thankful for my skin being so beautiful today!! Ah! I feel like it’s perfect looking, and I haven’t even been using any of my (MANY) creams and scrubs. It looks so clear, which you will rarely hear me say about my skin!
What are you thankful for today?
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged clear skin, compliments, good conversation, grateful, guacamole, happy, life, memories, my experiences, my life, personal, random thankfulness, smiles, sweet, sweet moments, thankful, thankfulness, thoughts
The truth of the matter is you can either avoiding seriously pissing people off, or be that annoying jerk that can’t bear to chew without their mouth wide open. Here is my list of all-time pet peeves that could easily put a friendship to its truest test.
1. I’ve introduced this prior, but I will introduce it again. Chewing with your mouth open is not cute. The snapping sound goes through my soul. Your parents told you before, but I am telling you again: chewing with your mouth open is one of the rudest things you can do. The food will still taste the same if you keep the trap shut while you chew.
2. People who refuse to give gas money. I get it. You’re a kid, I’m a kid. We don’t have a lot of money to throw around. But if I’m giving rides every single time we hang out and you can’t bear to part with a couple bucks for gas, I feel like a volunteered chauffeur. Be a doll and spare a few?
3. Using to use so much that you’re USED to using. What I mean by that is taking advantage of situations in which you’ll be the only one benefitting, simply because the option is there. When someone gives and gives while others take and take, eventually the resources (and patience, for that matter) are going to run dry fast, and there will be nothing left to give (shocker, I know). Friendships are about mutual respect and generosity. If I’m gonna kiss your feet, quite frankly, you’re going to end up kissing mine, too.
4. Ordering food at a restaurant, taking a bite, and deeming it “not fit” for you, sending it back to the kitchen. Do you know what they do with that food? Usually (and I say usually, because I feel like some weird places “recycle” the food), but USUALLY, the food ends up being thrown out. Something perfectly good for someone else, but not perfectly good for you. There are people starving. Do you think they’d be refusing that plate?
5. Borrowing anything and “forgetting” to give it back. “Oh yeah, I’ll give it back to you the next time I see you”. Do you know how many times I’ve heard that? Seriously, if you’re gonna borrow something, return it once you’re done. if you legitimately don’t think you’ll be able to part with it after those few days of intimate bonding time with the said object, then ask me where I got it so I can direct you in the right direction toward getting one of your own.
6. Not saying “please” and “thank you”. It’s repulsive. I was brought up to have manners. In other peoples’ homes, I will always say “please” and “thank you” for whatever is given to me. If I like it, or I don’t like it. It doesn’t matter. I am sure to exercise my etiquette in either case. Those who are not outwardly (and inwardly) thankful are probably the worst on this entire list. You have been warned. Do not cross me.
What are your pet peeves, and why do they grind your gears?
Posted in Memory, Personal, Rant, Relationships, Thoughts
Tagged bad manners, borrowing, breaking point, chewing with mouth open, etiquette, excuses, friendships, gas money, generous, genuine, growing up, jerks, life, life lessons, manners, my experiences, my life, observations, over it, patience, personal, pet peeves, please, poor etiquette, refusing, returning food, rude, rude customers, rude people, selfish, stealing, teenagers, thank you, thankful, thankfulness, thoughts, truth, understanding, users
A couple of days ago, I was faced with the realization that communication can be difficult, as we all have grown up with different circumstances. I thought I would address the reasons why we don’t what other people need to bring to light our differences.
1. Some people are private people. They don’t share the requirements of their own sustenance. They are under the assumption that they can achieve that kind of satisfaction through their own means. Sometimes, though, that is not the case. Some things can not be provided by the self. These types of people, however, would probably be more likely to take assistance from someone similar to them in that way.
2. Relying on others makes you “needy”. I’ve heard this so many times before. I had this same assumption growing up. I didn’t want help from other people because I was afraid they would look at me as if I weren’t self sufficient, and being independent has always been crucial to my own satisfaction. Unfortunately, having this kind of mindset can actually break down friendships, because it is believed that friends will need each other. When your friend doesn’t need you, would you consider them still a friend?
3. Every culture has their own assumption about how to acquire their needs. In some cultures, it is believed that the right thing to do is to simply ask someone, and if they say that they cannot provide something, then ATLEAST it was asked. In other cultures, however, some believe that it shouldn’t be given without being asked. Neither culture is wrong in their belief, but being able to understand the habits of specific types of people gifts us the ability to make everyone happy.
4. We’re not mind-readers. I’m guilty of this too, the belief that others know what we need but are choosing to ignore it. Not everyone knows what you need, so it’s important to address these concerns when they arise so grudges are not held for unprovoked reasons. It’s like blaming someone for something they didn’t know happened. When we leave our thoughts in our head, they can transform in a way that misrepresents the situation, and others could be punished for the blown proportions of the ordeal. It’s better to be upfront.
5. We are not living the same lives. We all have our journeys, and no two journeys are exactly the same. Opening the lines of communication allows us to merge our paths and ultimately benefit everyone to the best of our abilities.
Posted in College, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts
Tagged communicating, communication, experiences, interacting, interaction, learned, lessons, life, life lessons, my experiences, my life, people, personal, personality, realization, reasons, thoughts