Tag Archives: pain

You Are Loved

People will tell you that you should never base your self-worth on those that surround you, because there will be times when they will let you down and times they will take a shot at your feelings due to their own circumstances, and your first assumption will be that it is because YOU are not worth their time, or YOU are not worth their effort. It’s difficult to not let how others treat you affect the way you perceive yourself. Recent events have let those kinds of destructive thoughts creep into my own head, which I had persistently blocked for a very long time. I began thinking that I wasn’t worth the time, the effort, the sacrifice, the love, the respect, and the understanding it takes to be in a relationship, a friendship, anything. The issue is that the negative forces in our lives take so much of a toll on us personally that they end up overwhelming the positive forces, and I can’t believe that I didn’t acknowledge this when it happened in my own life recently. I know that I am worth so much more than I have been given credit for in the past. I am not my unhappy experiences, my failures, my pain, my sadness, my inabilities, my projected worth…I am so much more.

That is why I believe that you are good enough, too. You may have had a horrible day, week, even year. But you know what? Things are going to get better, for both you and I. I may not even know you, but I can tell you that you can’t base your perception of YOUR worth on how people treat you. People are selfish and sometimes they don’t even mean to be. But they can be, and sometimes they are. Who’s to say that the way they conduct their lives and treat others reflects how you should be treated and how much you’re worth as an individual? You’re not a toy that they can just play with when they’ve got a moment to spare, and then put on the shelf. You’re not their pet, relying on them for the quality of your own life. You are a person with feelings, ambitions, vulnerabilities in combination with strengths. You’re unique in all aspects of your life and there will never be someone just like you, someone rich in the qualities that you possess in the exact same way. So you know what? Ditch the negative people, the hurtful memories, the times you’ve fallen on your face so hard you thought you’d never get back up, the underestimations people have of you, the disappointment people in their own lives that has somehow been projected upon your own life… Forget how people have made you feel. You’re incredible, and you deserve to be happy. Don’t let anyone take that happiness, that ability to feel alive and love yourself and the world around you, away from you. You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and excited about your life, and those who don’t agree, don’t deserve to be a part of YOU.

You’re incredible, and no matter who you are, where you are, how people have hurt you in the past, what you think you’re worth, if I know you or not, you deserve to be happy and you are loved. Tremendously, genuinely, honestly, respectfully…

You are loved.

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Final Thoughts of 2014

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Confronted with the past, we often stand down. We let it consume us, devour the current day and age with regrets of moments we can no longer change. Moments that have passed us.

I won’t stand down. I won’t cry, or regret, or reminisce about the “good ol’ days”. I won’t second guess myself or humor myself with a different outcome that could’ve potentially changed the course of my memories. Today is today, and holds its own potential.

There are moments in my past that I wish I would’ve appreciated then, as I cannot appreciate them in the same magnitude as my memories begin to fade and distort with time. What music was playing at that moment? Who was there? What were their facial expressions? Were they happy, hurt, longing, anxious? Do these little details even matter anymore?

They matter when you think back, but in the moment of the experience, you’re drawn to see the big picture. The details fade into the backdrop and become minuscule, only to arise to the surface in bits and pieces later on, often in unwelcome nostalgic spurts. The concepts are still alive and well and the meaning behind the memories of our past still stands but I’m choosing to pack up these boxes and dispose of the feelings that once gave me happiness but have lately weighed heavily upon my soul. I’ve been progressively releasing my attachment to these moments as they don’t serve my life positively anymore.

I choose to live in the now, but that’s not to say that the time I spent prior to the current day is inconsequential, the experiences I’ve gathered are meaningless. They matter, however some things you cannot change once all interaction has been exhausted, connections have been tampered with and broken, and the passions that you had grown to love, that had once lingered and given you comfort, have grown stale. I’ve grown to accept the shortcomings, regrets, hurt of my past and hope that the future holds better days with even greater joys.

Here is to life, to a new year full of opportunity and lessons to be learned. Here is to new laughs, triumphs, friendships, experiences. To growth, improvement, realizations, creativity, and an awakened zest for all the little things life holds in store.

May this year bring change that exudes confidence towards an even more exciting and fulfilling future, and may the skeletons of our memories be laid to rest. It’s time to move forward.

#WhyIStayed, #WhyILeft, and Why Our Pain Can Turn Into Promise (Trigger Warning)

TRIGGER WARNING: Graphic photographs. 

To hear about the initial story and the Twitter campaign, click here.

Ray Rice, former quarterback, was seen dragging his current wife, Janay Rice, out of an elevator, knocked out, after a fight they had had that had resulted in a loss of his temper. Then I ask, when was the last time you punched your partner in the face? Never? We all have fights with the people we love. Is this the way to effectively end the fight? Most of us understand that the method in which he handled the situation was incredibly inappropriate and disgusting. I don’t care who starts the fight or who ends the fight. Initiating a physical confrontation with anyone is abuse. Using violence against a partner or children is domestic abuse. The terrifying part about this news story is that there are probably many in the audience who were not as shocked as others by this behavior, but rather empathized for the victim, because the type of treatment the victim was experiencing was similar to a situation of their own. There are other victims with stories that have yet to be heard.

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One in four women and one in seven men will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. Look at the women and the men standing next to you, in front of you, behind you. Are there four women? Seven men? Think about this, hypothetically. One of them could potentially be brought into a situation like this, with a partner that instills fear and pain rather than love and respect toward his or her partner. Domestic abuse is a long-standing issue across the world, but we experience the tip of the iceberg here in the US. 25% of women and 14% of our men will experience this fear in their lifetime, many will endure it without being heard. 25% of our women and 14% of our men are fighting a fight that feels like it can’t be won, and often times they don’t know who to turn to or how to receive the help that they need in this type of crises. With that being said, I find the emergence of the #WhyIStayed and #WhyILeft hashtags on Twitter to be a monumental tribute to all those who have suffered and survived (and those whose lives ended much too soon) this tragic circumstance. I can’t imagine the strength of heart it takes to leave or to stay, and I hope that this campaign brings to the surface a better understanding about domestic abuse. Just because the issue hides behind bedroom doors doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be addressed out in the open. These women addressing their own survival could potentially inspire someone who is currently struggling to find solace.

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As for those who participated, openly and fearlessly, on Twitter with this campaign, you are loved and I thank you for being strong enough to bring the issue to light again. Domestic abuse needs to be combatted effectively, and with all the participants that are sharing their story, we are moving another step forward in the direction of change. I can only hope that one day this issue will diminish as matters are taken more and more seriously and dealt with more effectively. Nobody deserves to suffer this kind of physical or mental destruction. We deserve to feel safe in our own homes, safe with the individuals we live with and love, and safe in the hands of the support available to us.

If you know someone who may be in danger of domestic abuse or other forms of abuse, there are resources available to the public that can allow them to seek the help they need. Let them know that they have options and that the situation they find themselves in is not a means to an unwanted end.

You are not alone.

The Hotline provides a national hotline for victims of domestic abuse to call to get confidential help. Their phone number is the following phone number: 1−800−799−7233

In addition, they have a page for resources and support groups that might prove helpful in moving forward.

If you don’t know if the situation you or someone else is experiencing is considered abuse, consult the Is This Abuse? page.

 

 

Random thought: I have never felt a more unexpected sharp pain than when my laptop, which was propped on my legs, fell down on my nose.

I was seeing stars for hours.

Don’t Tell Me That “I’ll Grow Out of It”

Seriously, I resent people who tell me that I’ll “grow out of my acne” and that “my skin problems are just hormonal”. Yeah, sure. SO MANY HORMONES. You haven’t had enough time for your hormones to settle down. It hasn’t been enough centuries. Stop being so overdramatic! Nobody cares about your skin. Nobody even notices it. Oh? They’re asking about it? Well, how many people haven’t asked about it? You’re fine! Your boyfriend loves you, right? He doesn’t mind.

Those who haven’t experienced severe acne in their adult years have not understood the realest form of hell, and are excruciatingly insensitive. Case and point. I’m tired of hearing all the excuses that people make offhandedly when I get frustrated with my skin, all the excuses they make that won’t suffice. They know nothing about what I suffer because of it, because they have yet to experience such a horrible flaw on the one part of their body that everyone looks. When you speak, when you maintain eye contact…..your face is where people look. It’s painful, frustrating, and impossible to get rid of. They say it’s my diet? I’ll stop eating everything bad for me. Nothing will change. They say it’s hormonal? Well, what can I do about that? They say it’s because I’m not clean? Oh boy, do not even go there.

So far, I have been everyone’s failed project. It’s been great. Really, it has. But I’m seriously done. If karma is real, I am begging to know what kind of horrid crime I committed in a past life that left me with this.

Bleeding mouth, and refusing to sputter my words in blood.

Down, but never going to be out.

Free Write: Weaving Your Feelings

Desperate. Pursuing. Yearning. She follows you to your car, with her sweet touch and the soft melody of her voice. You’re coaxed. She has you hanging by a thread, and she’s weaving it. She’s creating something with your weakness. Her fingers dance across the delicate intricacies of your weaknesses to create something regal out of you. She wants to make you into a sweater so she can wear you, clinging to her torso and begging to keep her warm. Intoxicating to be able to gain control and manipulate your feelings as if they were her own. If she had any, they’d be moldable, too, but they certainly wouldn’t be warm. They wouldn’t hold you tight on your coldest days or comfort you in your own weakness. If you were lucky, they wouldn’t freeze your heart inside your chest.