People will tell you that you should never base your self-worth on those that surround you, because there will be times when they will let you down and times they will take a shot at your feelings due to their own circumstances, and your first assumption will be that it is because YOU are not worth their time, or YOU are not worth their effort. It’s difficult to not let how others treat you affect the way you perceive yourself. Recent events have let those kinds of destructive thoughts creep into my own head, which I had persistently blocked for a very long time. I began thinking that I wasn’t worth the time, the effort, the sacrifice, the love, the respect, and the understanding it takes to be in a relationship, a friendship, anything. The issue is that the negative forces in our lives take so much of a toll on us personally that they end up overwhelming the positive forces, and I can’t believe that I didn’t acknowledge this when it happened in my own life recently. I know that I am worth so much more than I have been given credit for in the past. I am not my unhappy experiences, my failures, my pain, my sadness, my inabilities, my projected worth…I am so much more.
That is why I believe that you are good enough, too. You may have had a horrible day, week, even year. But you know what? Things are going to get better, for both you and I. I may not even know you, but I can tell you that you can’t base your perception of YOUR worth on how people treat you. People are selfish and sometimes they don’t even mean to be. But they can be, and sometimes they are. Who’s to say that the way they conduct their lives and treat others reflects how you should be treated and how much you’re worth as an individual? You’re not a toy that they can just play with when they’ve got a moment to spare, and then put on the shelf. You’re not their pet, relying on them for the quality of your own life. You are a person with feelings, ambitions, vulnerabilities in combination with strengths. You’re unique in all aspects of your life and there will never be someone just like you, someone rich in the qualities that you possess in the exact same way. So you know what? Ditch the negative people, the hurtful memories, the times you’ve fallen on your face so hard you thought you’d never get back up, the underestimations people have of you, the disappointment people in their own lives that has somehow been projected upon your own life… Forget how people have made you feel. You’re incredible, and you deserve to be happy. Don’t let anyone take that happiness, that ability to feel alive and love yourself and the world around you, away from you. You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and excited about your life, and those who don’t agree, don’t deserve to be a part of YOU.
You’re incredible, and no matter who you are, where you are, how people have hurt you in the past, what you think you’re worth, if I know you or not, you deserve to be happy and you are loved. Tremendously, genuinely, honestly, respectfully…
You are loved.
Posted in Advice, Thoughts
Tagged boyfriends, breakups, confidence, exes, experiences, friends, friendships, girlfriends, giving up, growth, happiness, hurt, letter to you, life, loss, lost friends, love, memories, negative people, negativity, pain, people, personal, positivity, relationships, respect, sadness, self worth, strength, suffering, understanding, unhappy, worth
Grateful and Guilty – Writing Prompt
Note: The prompt asks the writer to discuss a guilty pleasure. If you haven’t guessed, my guilty pleasure is spending my free time in Barnes and Noble, preferably in the seated cafe area, and soaking up the environment. There’s so much more to learn beyond the books that line these aisles. Following this statement is my description of the scene before me on today’s trip to Barnes and Noble. I hope you enjoy it.
As I sat on the floor of my local Barnes and Noble accompanied by my purse and laptop, the building swamped with locals taking shelter from the rain, I took a good luck around at the faces present among me at the filled seats. Students, potentially from my university, families with small children giggling at the sight of a new picture book, middle-agers catching up on the latests magazine publications, hot coffee warming the palms of their hands. There’s a lot you can learn about the people you see around you just from observing their choices. What do I mean by that, you ask? What they’re eating, what they’re dressed in, how they present themselves among the crowd. Do they smile back when they catch your gaze? Are their faces buried into a novel, concealed? There are so many factors that come into play when you’re evaluating strangers. I often do this before I sit down, if there are choices to be made between seats. I like to scan the area and make mental notes. Who could I see myself talking to? Who seems to have the same interests? Are they reading that psychology book for study, or for pleasure? Do they look intrigued, bored, indifferent? Are they accompanied, did they bring their work from home?
This time, however, there are no seats. I begin fiddling with my fingernails, picking off the remnants of my icy blue nail polish. I can feel my leg falling asleep, and shake it out from under my other leg, stimulating the blood flow to my dead limb. I look up to see a woman packing her work in a rushed manner, the individual on the other side of her phone line consuming her thoughts. Purse and laptop in both hands, I wait for my approach. As I wait, I catch a glimpse into the conversation of the woman sitting behind her joking with the cafe cashier about prioritizing the production of the pumpkin spice latte. I feel like gagging at the mere thought of pumpkin. She evacuates, and I claim the table before anyone has the chance to grab it first, a little table in the center of the room. The room has grown silent, aside from the scattered orders at the cafe every couple of minutes. An increasingly apparent chatter has grown with the expansion of the cafe line, attracting the attention of the readers. They seem agitated by the sudden introduction of noise. And that is simply what it is at this point: noise. Words exchanged between the ten individuals are essentially indecipherable. Even with such a diverse audience, such a broad spectrum of types of people, Barnes and Noble still captures the essence of calmness, focus, productivity. It’s an environment that sparks and nurtures my creativity.
What would you say is your guilty pleasure?
Posted in Memory, My Writing, Personal, Thoughts, Writing Prompt
Tagged b&n, barnes and noble, barnes and noble cafe, blogging, blogging prompt, cafe, chatter, coffee, conversation, description, diverse, environment, guilty pleasure, impressions, learning, learning about people, locals, memories, my experience, observing, orlando, people, population, prompt, psychology, pumpkin spice latte, setting the scene, silence, strangers, students, ucf area, writing, writing prompt
Ready, Set, Done! – A Response to the Daily Post prompt
I feel like I am a different person every day, or maybe every other day. One day, I will be confident, persuasive, extroverted, rambunctious. The next, I will be reclusive, introverted, perfectly happy surrounded by nothing more than my drawing tablet, cup of coffee, and my laptop on full-charge playing some Ingrid Michaelson as background music. How does this change? How do I transition between two completely different phases, two personalities that could essentially house two different bodies but instead cozy up to each other in this one individual: me?
Some days, I am pained by the glance of strangers, while other days, it’s perfectly easy to return a smile, strike a conversation. On the days when I don’t wish to return the favor, I can feel their eyes burning into my cheek like they’re branding me with their look. I can actually feel the blood rush to my face, rising and burning like flames under my skin. But when I smile back, there’s mutual acknowledgement, and the glance is dropped. Something about people avoiding elongated eye contact… At these points, I feel like I reversed the reaction.
There are days when I enjoy the spotlight, basking in the glow of my accomplishments. And then, on the opposing end, there are moments when I hope to god that no one mentions that I was the culprit of something, even if it were a wonderful thing. The pressure to perform on these days makes me feel like a seasoned actress.
The weirdest part of it all is that I’m never really too sure which personality will be more dominant each morning I wake up. I accept them both lovingly though. I adore my extroverted, loud-and-proud side just as equally as the less showy introverted side I possess. I believe it all really depends on the anxiety I experience on a day to day basis. When its grip isn’t as strong, I’m more outward and upfront. There’s no barricade preventing me from projecting myself. But this isn’t to say that on the days I prefer being alone, I am generally anxious. Anxiety certainly contributes though, at least to some of these days. I have to wonder if the anxiety I experience is what maintains my ambiversion, or if naturally I am comprised of elements from both sides that sometimes just separate more distinctly on specific days.
Anyone else feel like they’re housing two opposing personalities in one body sometimes?
Do you prefer one side over the other?
Posted in Personal, Thoughts
Tagged ambiversion, ambivert, anxiety, anxious, blogging prompt, change, college student, deviation, different, different personalities, everyday, experiences, extroverted, fluctuation, individuals, interesting, introversion, introverted, life, life experience, memories, my life, people, personal, personal post, personalities, personality, prompt, strangers, student, thoughts, writing prompt
I find myself going through my daily routine, engulfed by my own thoughts about what it feels like to be “happy”. I remember being happy. Happy was me at Warped Tour, swaying to the beat of some newly discovered bands and realizing how much I adored the sound of something new gracing my ears. Happy was when I sat on the beach with my mom, coffee in hand and gnat-bitten to death, awaiting the arrival of a new sunrise on the shore. Happy was when I heard one of my favorite songs on the radio like I had millions of times before, but this time, managed to belt out all the words as loud as I could with the windows down, completely shamelessly. I know “happy”. Happy has always been a good friend of mine, but has slowly drifted from my grasp as of late. He’s become someone who sends a card on only the holidays signed with just his name, someone who pops in and says “hello” but never actually takes the time to truly absorb my answers, to question the strange intonations of my responses. He’s someone that has mistakenly forgotten to return my calls, tragically missed my texts, and has found new places and people to foster his sparks. Happiness has become an acquaintance, even more so a stranger. As of late.
The question is, am I happy? Am I happy now, at this very moment in time and my life?
I feel like my questioning confirms my answer enough.
Posted in Personal, Thoughts
Tagged disappointment, experiences, friendships, frustrated, happiness, happy, influence, interactions, life, my thoughts, my writing, over it, people, personal, reality, rejected, rejection, resentment, thoughts, tired
….how can one get punished for not following the guidelines that have yet to be permanently determined, that are relevant to one day but not to the next?
Where is the line being drawn, and why am I not the only one who can’t see this?
Posted in Personal, Thoughts
Tagged discipline, growth, guiding, implemented, learning, life, memory, people, personal, random thought, rules, structure, thoughts, understanding, understanding the world
Another workout had been successfully completed, and my clothes were, at this point, plastered to my skin by the accumulation of sweat. The satisfaction of the hard work I had put in had left me with a bubbly feeling. My mind was clear, a smile was beaming on my face. We were on our way out of the gym when something very unsettling occurred. A man and what I believed to be his five children (hopefully they were his) trailed behind me. As I always do when I see that I am not walking unaccompanied, I held the door. He walked in the doorway, paused, and legitimately turned around to talk to one of his youngsters. No joke. Mid doorway, did not say one “thank you” nor did he even acknowledge that the door wasn’t, in fact, holding itself. I was honestly infuriated. After what felt like a good 2 minutes or so, they managed to all squeeze their way through without a single word. Angry now, I turned and yelled, “you’re welcome, sir”. He then turned, glared as if I had been the one overstepping some boundary (HOW DARE I HOLD THE DOOR?! How classless!), and continued walking.
Why is it so incredibly difficult to acknowledge that someone, a stranger, is consciously doing something nice for you, when they could just as easily take the door, wait until you’re about to go through, and send it forcefully back in the hopes of smacking you in the face just for sh*ts and grind? I mean, realistically speaking, I probably wouldn’t do that. But why is it so difficult to give a half of a breath (not even!) to show that you’re not taking the action for granted? I’m a total germaphobe so if I open a door in a public place (which I do often), that’s a pretty big thing. I’m obviously not doing it for my health.
I used to think that “etiquette school” was a thing of the past, but I have to wonder if it actually is. Why is it that humanity has to be retaught to people who consider themselves “human“?
What’s your take?
Posted in Memory, Personal, Rant, Thoughts, Uncategorized
Tagged angry, annoyed, awareness, behaviors, etiquette, experiences, human, humanity, life, manners, my experiences, people, perception, personal, progress, progression, questioning, rant, regress, thank you, thoughts, truth, unaccaptable, understanding