People will tell you that you should never base your self-worth on those that surround you, because there will be times when they will let you down and times they will take a shot at your feelings due to their own circumstances, and your first assumption will be that it is because YOU are not worth their time, or YOU are not worth their effort. It’s difficult to not let how others treat you affect the way you perceive yourself. Recent events have let those kinds of destructive thoughts creep into my own head, which I had persistently blocked for a very long time. I began thinking that I wasn’t worth the time, the effort, the sacrifice, the love, the respect, and the understanding it takes to be in a relationship, a friendship, anything. The issue is that the negative forces in our lives take so much of a toll on us personally that they end up overwhelming the positive forces, and I can’t believe that I didn’t acknowledge this when it happened in my own life recently. I know that I am worth so much more than I have been given credit for in the past. I am not my unhappy experiences, my failures, my pain, my sadness, my inabilities, my projected worth…I am so much more.
That is why I believe that you are good enough, too. You may have had a horrible day, week, even year. But you know what? Things are going to get better, for both you and I. I may not even know you, but I can tell you that you can’t base your perception of YOUR worth on how people treat you. People are selfish and sometimes they don’t even mean to be. But they can be, and sometimes they are. Who’s to say that the way they conduct their lives and treat others reflects how you should be treated and how much you’re worth as an individual? You’re not a toy that they can just play with when they’ve got a moment to spare, and then put on the shelf. You’re not their pet, relying on them for the quality of your own life. You are a person with feelings, ambitions, vulnerabilities in combination with strengths. You’re unique in all aspects of your life and there will never be someone just like you, someone rich in the qualities that you possess in the exact same way. So you know what? Ditch the negative people, the hurtful memories, the times you’ve fallen on your face so hard you thought you’d never get back up, the underestimations people have of you, the disappointment people in their own lives that has somehow been projected upon your own life… Forget how people have made you feel. You’re incredible, and you deserve to be happy. Don’t let anyone take that happiness, that ability to feel alive and love yourself and the world around you, away from you. You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and excited about your life, and those who don’t agree, don’t deserve to be a part of YOU.
You’re incredible, and no matter who you are, where you are, how people have hurt you in the past, what you think you’re worth, if I know you or not, you deserve to be happy and you are loved. Tremendously, genuinely, honestly, respectfully…
You are loved.
Posted in Advice, Thoughts
Tagged boyfriends, breakups, confidence, exes, experiences, friends, friendships, girlfriends, giving up, growth, happiness, hurt, letter to you, life, loss, lost friends, love, memories, negative people, negativity, pain, people, personal, positivity, relationships, respect, sadness, self worth, strength, suffering, understanding, unhappy, worth
It’s been a painful couple of weeks, but today was the day that this chapter of our lives has ended. It’s bittersweet. Suffering the loss of a life is always hard to swallow, especially when you’re close with the one who passed, but when you think of the suffering that the person endured closely before their last moments, you know that it’s for the best. We celebrated my grandmother’s life with an incredible, luxurious dinner on the beach at Casablanca’s, started it off with amazing appetizers (I had a fantastic shrimp cocktail), a spicy shrimp scampi entree (what can I say? I like shrimp!), and a massive lava cake with ice cream that, by the time I finished it, made me want to vomit up my organs. I also thought that it was strange because, in the light of us celebrating my grandmother’s passing into heaven, we heard the song, “Over the Rainbow”, which lately had been very reminiscent of her and her situation. It kind of felt like she was sitting at the dinner table with us, enjoying the copious amount of food.
This experience gave me a new perspective of the expectancy of life. We all expect to live for a very long time, but some of us suffer our lives being cut short, and the luckier of those realize before it’s too late. As for me, though, I’m hoping to stop sitting around on my life. There are times, and places, and people that are in my life that I don’t feel happy with. And I need to be happy. I need to find more purpose, go for more goals, and not be afraid to fall sometimes. It’s such a scary feeling pushing yourself out into the deep end and hoping you can swim, but I feel like the benefits are worth the risk. As of today, I’m going to really live my life, moment by moment, and make it something that I find memorable. I’m not gonna wait for things to get better, or for people to start changing. I’m just gonna go change the world, for myself and others, and see where it all goes. I need this. This past year, there have been so many things that I’ve shy-ed away from because I was afraid of failing, and right now, I think failing is a better option than not trying at all.
Posted in Memory, Personal, Thoughts
Tagged death, failing, grandmother, growth, insight, life, life lessons, life lost, memory, new perspective, obstacles, personal, personal growth, perspective, progression, risks, succeeding, suffering, thoughts, understanding, update
Seriously, I resent people who tell me that I’ll “grow out of my acne” and that “my skin problems are just hormonal”. Yeah, sure. SO MANY HORMONES. You haven’t had enough time for your hormones to settle down. It hasn’t been enough centuries. Stop being so overdramatic! Nobody cares about your skin. Nobody even notices it. Oh? They’re asking about it? Well, how many people haven’t asked about it? You’re fine! Your boyfriend loves you, right? He doesn’t mind.
Those who haven’t experienced severe acne in their adult years have not understood the realest form of hell, and are excruciatingly insensitive. Case and point. I’m tired of hearing all the excuses that people make offhandedly when I get frustrated with my skin, all the excuses they make that won’t suffice. They know nothing about what I suffer because of it, because they have yet to experience such a horrible flaw on the one part of their body that everyone looks. When you speak, when you maintain eye contact…..your face is where people look. It’s painful, frustrating, and impossible to get rid of. They say it’s my diet? I’ll stop eating everything bad for me. Nothing will change. They say it’s hormonal? Well, what can I do about that? They say it’s because I’m not clean? Oh boy, do not even go there.
So far, I have been everyone’s failed project. It’s been great. Really, it has. But I’m seriously done. If karma is real, I am begging to know what kind of horrid crime I committed in a past life that left me with this.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged acne, acne problems, acne scars, advice, angry, college, college student, cystic acne, dermatologists, done, experience, facial flaws, failed project, flaws, growing out of it, high school, insecurity, issues, life, pain, people, personal, personal experience, phase, rant, skin, skin issues, suffering, teenager, teenager years, tired, uncomfortable, zits
I apologize for the lack of time and inspiration lately. It’s been a hellish week, but I am back for good (I know, horrible, right?) so here goes nothin’. The daily prompts will, once again, become a daily thing. I’ve missed being able to write. It’s like the flesh and blood of my inspirations, and the absence of the ability to put my thoughts down in physical form has made me feel…..introverted. I share so much here that when I don’t, the thoughts just fester within my head.
Back to the topic at hand. It says to put my library on shuffle and talk about a song that it lands on. The song I landed on is called “The Hunger” by Fireflight. It’s a Christian song originally, but I’m not very religious, so I’m going to analyze it from the perspective of someone who doesn’t associate specifically with one religion. The following lyrics are the lyrics associated with this song.
Cut it out, cut it out
I know it’s what you’re wanting to say
Burning up, burning up
I know why you’re feeling this way
There’s an ache you can’t erase
A yearning that you can’t replace
And you want Him, and you need Him
But you act like He’s not there
Yeah, you know that you’re hollow
And something’s missing here
So you push and you pull the hole in your soul
But you can’t make the hunger disappear
You got a rusted out lock on your door
Getting ready to break
You’ve held back love long enough
I think it’s time to cave
You’re waiting for a sign
The fact is faith is blind
Do you want to spend your whole life jaded?
Stuck in a rut that you created
Why don’t you break the cycle?
Let love win
To my understanding, this song reminds me of the feeling you get when your decisions are poor within a romantic relationship with another due to negative past experiences. You’re guarding your heart and building walls up around your feelings, begging your partner to not break them down, because you’ve learned from your past mistakes and refuse to get hurt again. You want your love to surpass your pain, so you begin digging yourself out of the hole you had buried yourself within, and let the light show into your soul. It eliminates the aching in your heart, replacing it with the fulfillment of bliss and unconditional acceptance.
I love this song because it tells a story beyond its original purpose. For those who don’t affiliate with the religion it represents, it can provide a powerful story to several different human experiences, and make the listener feel as if they aren’t alone in their suffering. I feel that any music or other creative outlet that can give you support just through words is a major accomplishment for the artist of the piece.
Posted in My Writing, Personal, Thoughts, Writing Prompt
Tagged acceptance, affiliation, alone, bliss, daily writing prompt, desire, discussion, feelings, fireflight, library, meaning, music, negativity, outlet, past experiences, people, personal, positivity, prompt, relatable, religion, shuffle, soul, story, suffering, support, the hunger, thoughts, writing, yearning
Desperate. Pursuing. Yearning. She follows you to your car, with her sweet touch and the soft melody of her voice. You’re coaxed. She has you hanging by a thread, and she’s weaving it. She’s creating something with your weakness. Her fingers dance across the delicate intricacies of your weaknesses to create something regal out of you. She wants to make you into a sweater so she can wear you, clinging to her torso and begging to keep her warm. Intoxicating to be able to gain control and manipulate your feelings as if they were her own. If she had any, they’d be moldable, too, but they certainly wouldn’t be warm. They wouldn’t hold you tight on your coldest days or comfort you in your own weakness. If you were lucky, they wouldn’t freeze your heart inside your chest.
Posted in My Writing
Tagged emotions, feel, feelings, heart, longing, manipulation, moldable, my writing, pain, people, personality, sadness, strength, suffering, thoughts, vulnerability, vulnerable, weakness, yearning